One of the most often asked questions that I get asked as a Christian is 'how do you know when the Lord is speaking to you?' and it is one that I have even asked myself. Sometimes, it's a book that someone has loaned me that speaks directly to my soul, other times it's when I'm having a conversation with someone else that I hear his voice, and sometimes it's just the feeling of peace that passes all understanding in the bottom of my soul that I know can only come from Him. Once about 10 years ago, a dear friend of mine told me that God speaks directly to her by giving her rainbows. Every time she is struggling with something, God will show her a rainbow to let her know that He is still with her. I thought that was cool and begin to wonder how exactly God showed himself to me in a direct and consistent way. What I discovered was that He always gives me one song that ministers directly to my heart.
That one song becomes an anthem of sorts, that I can listen to over and over again, bringing comfort and peace to know God is in control. When I was going through a bad breakup, it was 'Landslide,' by Stevie Nicks (I didn't say it was always a 'Christian' song!). When my dad as in the hospital five years ago, it was 'Voice of Truth,' by Mercy Me. And when my parents were in Texas, it was 'Peace' by Jennifer Knapp. After I had Rhett, I would sing the old hymns to him at bedtime, lulling him to sleep and bringing peace to my tired body and mind with 'Glory, Glory Hallelujah," "Amazing Grace," and "At The Cross."
I can't explain how I know one song is given to me from the Lord for a time such as this, but I just know. Since my daddy passed away, I have heard many, many songs on the radio from christian and secular stations, but most cause me to turn the station, bringing tears of sorrow from the grief and mourning in my heart. This morning, though...this morning...I received it. My song from the Lord. The one that speaks peace deep into my heart. The one that strengthens my faith. The one that I can stand on as a voice of truth amid a sea of emotions that come from the grief of losing my daddy. It's not a new song...but it's new to me.
So, without further adeu, I give you "Jesus, Bring the Rain," from Mercy Me as a testament that God still speaks to His children and that He provides for our every need:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m17af0XmPFo&feature=related.
I hope it speaks to you as it has to me. If not though, don't worry. God probably has a different way for you. Keep your eyes open ~ you don't want to miss the blessing He has in store!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Walking in the Shadow...
To say this has been the darkest part of my life would be an understatement. It will be a week ago tomorrow since my daddy passed away and I still have no words to describe how I feel or how we are functioning. I wish I had the ability to write something profound or inspirational, but right now I barely have the words to say 'I'm okay' and mean it.
I miss my daddy. I miss hearing his voice on the phone and his truck in the drive. I miss his laugh when he rolls around on the floor with Rhett. I miss feeling his hugs and his 'love you em' before I leave the house. His yard shoes still sit by the door and his cross still hangs in the bathroom. Everything I do reminds me of him, or should I say, the absence of him. I see the pain in the eyes of my brother and the sadness in the eyes on my mom and know that they are mirroring my own. I watch my husband try to be everything to everyone, all the while wishing he could take the pain away. I hear everyone telling me that it'll take time and to call them if I need anything, but I can't even figure out what I need to be able to tell them. The only thing I need is him...nothing else will make this any easier, but that's not an option. He is the only one who didn't ask anything of me, expect me to be anything, other than who I am in his eyes. I didn't have to give anything to daddy except my love and I didn't have to be strong for him because he was always strong for me.
A week ago, I watched them put daddy on a ventilator to breath for him. At that point, I thought I knew where this was going and tried to prepare myself. But, nothing can prepare you for watching your daddy take his last breaths and then see the rigor or death set in. While it was difficult seeing his body lying there, absent of life, it was strangely comforting too. It was so obvious that the body lying there in the bed was no longer him, but just the outer shell of the man in my heart. I grieve the loss of a wonderful man, but he is no longer there in that cemetary, but he is walking with the Lord, which brings me great peace and joy in my heart. I do not think Daddy would choose to come back here to us, because he is in a perfect place. Rather, he would wish we could join him instead.
While I hurt and my heart is breaking, I still have the peace that passes all understanding in this situation. I believe that daddy was sick far longer than we realized, but he didn't want to burden us with his pain. I believe that his suffering was too unbearable and his body could no longer cope with the burden of living, which was exacerbated by the pneumonia that eventually led to his death. I believe that God called him to heaven for a reason, which is not mine to question, but instead trust in His plans and know that He only wants the best for me. I believe that Daddy now dwells in the shadows of the Lord Almighty and is walking the banks of the lakes with Jesus. I know he is now experiencing the fullness of Jesus Christ and I am joyful for his sake. I also believe that God's hand is upon us, as we grieve and learn how to create a new kind of normal. We can feel his presence and the prayers of his people. We trust that He is going to do things in our lives that are far greater than we could ever imagine. We hope that God would be glorified in this situation and that when people see us, they would see the Holy Spirit's covering upon us.
God never said it would be easy, but he did say to trust in Him and it would be worth it. So, while we walk through the shadow of death in this season of our lives, we will fear no evil for he is with us. He is our comforter and our deliverer. We are leaning against him to find our peace, our refuge, and our strength.
Psalms 34:15-18
"The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalms 91:1-2
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
Isaiah 41:10
"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
John 14:1-3
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."
Romans 8:38-39
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
I miss my daddy. I miss hearing his voice on the phone and his truck in the drive. I miss his laugh when he rolls around on the floor with Rhett. I miss feeling his hugs and his 'love you em' before I leave the house. His yard shoes still sit by the door and his cross still hangs in the bathroom. Everything I do reminds me of him, or should I say, the absence of him. I see the pain in the eyes of my brother and the sadness in the eyes on my mom and know that they are mirroring my own. I watch my husband try to be everything to everyone, all the while wishing he could take the pain away. I hear everyone telling me that it'll take time and to call them if I need anything, but I can't even figure out what I need to be able to tell them. The only thing I need is him...nothing else will make this any easier, but that's not an option. He is the only one who didn't ask anything of me, expect me to be anything, other than who I am in his eyes. I didn't have to give anything to daddy except my love and I didn't have to be strong for him because he was always strong for me.
A week ago, I watched them put daddy on a ventilator to breath for him. At that point, I thought I knew where this was going and tried to prepare myself. But, nothing can prepare you for watching your daddy take his last breaths and then see the rigor or death set in. While it was difficult seeing his body lying there, absent of life, it was strangely comforting too. It was so obvious that the body lying there in the bed was no longer him, but just the outer shell of the man in my heart. I grieve the loss of a wonderful man, but he is no longer there in that cemetary, but he is walking with the Lord, which brings me great peace and joy in my heart. I do not think Daddy would choose to come back here to us, because he is in a perfect place. Rather, he would wish we could join him instead.
While I hurt and my heart is breaking, I still have the peace that passes all understanding in this situation. I believe that daddy was sick far longer than we realized, but he didn't want to burden us with his pain. I believe that his suffering was too unbearable and his body could no longer cope with the burden of living, which was exacerbated by the pneumonia that eventually led to his death. I believe that God called him to heaven for a reason, which is not mine to question, but instead trust in His plans and know that He only wants the best for me. I believe that Daddy now dwells in the shadows of the Lord Almighty and is walking the banks of the lakes with Jesus. I know he is now experiencing the fullness of Jesus Christ and I am joyful for his sake. I also believe that God's hand is upon us, as we grieve and learn how to create a new kind of normal. We can feel his presence and the prayers of his people. We trust that He is going to do things in our lives that are far greater than we could ever imagine. We hope that God would be glorified in this situation and that when people see us, they would see the Holy Spirit's covering upon us.
God never said it would be easy, but he did say to trust in Him and it would be worth it. So, while we walk through the shadow of death in this season of our lives, we will fear no evil for he is with us. He is our comforter and our deliverer. We are leaning against him to find our peace, our refuge, and our strength.
Psalms 34:15-18
"The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalms 91:1-2
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
Isaiah 41:10
"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
John 14:1-3
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."
Romans 8:38-39
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
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