After I wrote the first one of these things, my mom asked me where it came from and why I decided to write on that particular subject. There might be some things going on in my life that prompt me to think on these things, but for the most part ~ I get these ideas in my head and cannot rest until I get them out on paper (or keyboard...or whatever). Tonight is one of those nights. I don't know why I got to thinking about this subject, but it does go hand in hand with the judgement and expectations posts...
Life Lesson #3 then, is to accept that people are not going to change, so you might as well stop trying so hard. You see, we are all inherently born with our personality, our ticks, our habits, our faults and our successes. We are naturally good at some things and bad at others. We are who we are, as God created us and for the most part, we will stay that way for our entire lives. We can try to be different, but even with much effort and sustainability, usually those attempts to be someone that we aren't fail. Me, for example ~ I am not athletic. I have never been athletic. I hate to get hot and I hate to sweat and I am extremely uncoordinated. Those are a few things that aren't very conducive to athleticism. When I was young, I sat down in the outfield during my softball games, making bracelets out of grass. I didn't learn how to ride my bike until I was seven and I still can't serve a volleyball facing forwards. My husband is a workout freak (and I mean that affectionately, of course.) He would live at the gym if I let him and he is extremely careful about what he eats. When I get on the gym-kick and I actually try to go a few times a week, his entire face lights up when I walk into the workout room. I'm sure he would love for me to love working out, just like him. But, I just don't have it in me. I mean, have I mentioned how much I hate working out?!? So, he has learned to accept that is not something that I am going to change...much like I have about his insane use of ketchup (and the other 100 things that drive me crazy), but that's for a later post.
It's funny to me when I talk to my grandparents, all of which are in their late 70's and have been married over 50 years. My grandmother still complains about how much my grandfather sits in his chair, something he has done for my entire life. My other grandmother doesn't understand why her hubby doesn't enjoy going to the movies or going shopping with her, two things I have never actually witnessed him doing. 55 years and these women are still wondering why their husbands act a certain why and have been trying to change them to be who they want them to be instead of accepting them for who they really are. I have also witnessed this in other ways, as couples who go through struggles seem to only focus on the faults of each other and expect them to change behaviors that they have had for their entire lives. It's just not going to happen. Instead of focusing on the negative in others that we want to change, we should work on accepting them as they are and working them into our own lives.
In this world, there are few people who will actually accept you for who you really are and not want you to change to fit their standards. In my own life, I really have only had a couple of people who have accepted me completely and loved me just for who I was without putting any expectations or standards on me. These people are my truest friends and the ones that have known me the deepest and have loved me anyway. Those relationships are rare and hard to find.
For the most part, we are always trying to change others to fit in with our own standards and to fit with our own lives. What we need to do is accept them for who they are and show them true love. After all, All we need is love, right? That's what I thought...
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