The Ex Factor

I recently heard that my ex and his wife were expecting. Even though we are both married and I have a child of my own, it seemed that to find out he was going to have a baby was odd to me. The ex...I'll call him Bob...and I dated for almost five years, from our senior year in high school to our senior year in college. We did a long distance relationship the entire time. Whether it was the distance or the fact that we were just too different, it just didn't work out and we ended our relationship five years ago. It was very hard for me b/c I after we broke ties, I realized that I had lost myself in that relationship and I didn't even know who 'Emilee' really was. I took the next couple of years figuring out 'who' I really was and in the process, met an amazing guy who is now my husband.

I always regretted how Bob and I ended our relationship. It was a very tumultuous breakup, full of drama, tears and pain. He was a very big part of my life and I completely cut all ties with him, which at the time was completely necessary for me to move on. After we both got married, we actually live right around the corner from each other in a really small town. Yet, I have only seen him once in all of that time. Somehow, everything still seemed unsettled between us, causing any interactions that we did have (via email or through friends/family) to be really awkward.

When I found out that they were expecting, my initial feeling was that of happiness. I know he and his wife will both be wonderful parents and I am excited that they get to experience parenthood like we have. The second thing I felt was the need for closure on our past relationship. It's something we never really had, even though we both moved on and have very fulfilling lives. I always felt that there was a piece of me that was lost in that breakup and I wanted to be complete again. So, I took a brave step this week and reached out to Bob through an email to offer my congratulations on their pregnancy and to hopefully mend the hurts of the past so that we could establish some sort of 'friendly' relationship for the future. In all actually, our children will probably go to school together and be involved in the same activities, so some sense of civility would be good. Thankfully, his response to me was positive and it was good to catch up on each others' lives after all of these years. I was able to apologize about the way we ended things and now I feel much better about moving on and leaving the past where it belongs.

Out of all of that, I was most nervous about telling my hubby about the emails. I just knew he would question my motives and why I felt the need to reestablish that friendship. All day, I was so antsy to tell him, but I new I had to because I wanted to be honest with him. Imagine my surprise when he acted like it really was no big deal. He could've cared less, which makes me feel good to know that he trusts me and knows my heart well enough to know that this is something that I needed to do for me.

I definitely am glad that I make the decision to send that email. Now, I can go to the store or out to eat and not worry about what will happen if we run into one another. Now, at least we can exchange hello's, catch up on life, and know that the other is right where he/she belongs and that things really do work out for the best.