His Grace Is Enough...

Today is my dad's birthday! He is 54 years young and while I have always cherished my relationship with him ~ the past four years have been exceptionally sweet. You see, this time four years ago, he was lying in St. Joseph's ICU ~ recovering from major surgery and getting ready for the fight of his life. See the details below...

This time of year is always bittersweet for me. As the temps get warmer (well, except for this week, which is weird!) and Spring is in full bloom, I am drawn back to a time in my life that is not quite so bright and cheery, but instead is dark, scary and full of sadness. It was during this season four years ago that we almost lost my dad, an event that started my family out on a journey that has led us to where we are today.

We were celebrating my mom's and brother's birthday at Longhorn's for dinner and I noticed that my dad's eyes and the back of his neck were yellowed. I asked him about it, but he said he was tired and didnt' feel all that well. This is a man who was working almost 80 hours a week, so I figured he deserved it and I should leave well enough alone. Soon after, he developed a nagging cough that kept getting worse and worse. Finally, my mom and I decided to take him to the emergency room on a Sunday morning. When they admitted him, his O2 levels were at less than 20%, so low that the nurse thought the machine was broken. They immediately got him into ICU, where he was diagnosed with pneumonia and congestive heart failure. Over the course of a week, they pumped off over 30 lbs. of fluid from his body ~ finally a reason for all that weight gain! Later, daddy would tell us that he could hear 'swishing noises' when he walked around but didn't "really think it was serious." lol. While doing a routine chest x-ray, the doctors found a growth on his rib cage, that would eventually be diagnosed as a fast growing osteosarcoma tumor that ate completely through one of his ribs and was working on two more.

The days and nights at St. Joseph's blur together from there. Mom and I would leave at 6 a.m. to be at the hospital in time to catch the doctors. The day would continue in that dreaded waiting room, with 'chats' with the doctors and specialist in that little 'conference room,' each one bringing more bad news. It seemed that his days might be numbered. People would come and visit, pray for us and over us, bring us food and offer us comfort. But we were numb and overwhelmed with all of the new language that became a regular part of our vocabulary. From osteosarcoma, to platelet levels, to all the different meds...it was all overwhelming and scary.

Eventually, they did surgery here in Savannah to remove the tumor and the attached ribs, replacing that section of his ribcage with mesh chicken wire. My brother, Branden and I went to church on Easter Sunday. The musical was a special program dedicated to those who were hurting and struggling in their lives. I felt like I couldn't get to the alter fast enough. I fell at the feet of God and wept for the best man I had ever known. We were invited to several family's houses for Easter dinner, but none of us felt like socializing. Feeling like orphans, we celebrated Easter at El Potro's in Rincon and headed to the hospital. Eventually, dad left the hospital on his 50th birthday.

My best friend, Abby was also getting married that weekend, so with great fear, I left his bedside to stand beside her while she said 'I do.' The wedding was great and I very much enjoyed getting to 'cut loose' and try to forget everything that was going on back home. That break was short-lived as Branden and I returned home to discover that my parents decided to go to MD Anderson in Texas to be evaluated for the cancer treatment. It seemed my dad had a very rare type of bone cancer which the doctors here in Savannah had never treated before. So, on Memorial Day Weekend ~ off they went to be evaluated. None of us would realize that it would be six months before they would return. After being looked at by the Osteosarcoma Team at the best hospital in the country, it was decided that he would need to stay in Houston for treatments for at least six months. Oh ~ and they would want to start that Monday. In a state of shock, my mom and dad circled Houston ~ a city they had never even visited before, trying to find a place to live. My dad would be in the hospital for an entire week to receive treatments and be watched. Then he would be released to recover and then start the process over again two weeks later. They needed to find a place where my mom felt safe enough to stay on her own, that was close enough to the hospital and be something they could afford. God provided when a church called her on her cell and offered a small apartment that fit all of the criteria. We wept and celebrated.

In between being released from the hospital in Savannah and going to Texas, Branden and I decided to go ahead and get engaged. Many people in my life didn't really understand this decision...my mother included. But, I knew that my time with my dad might be limited. I couldn't imagine getting married without him there to walk me down the aisle. I also knew in my heart that he would need something to fight for...a goal for getting through this terrible tragedy. Walking me down the aisle ended up being the perfect thing. Branden and I had already been talking marriage, so it was natural to do it sooner than later. So, on May 5th ~ he proposed and I accepted. We waited to hear from the doctors about when my dad might be able to come home before we set a wedding date. They called to say that we could get married on October 1st. That suited Branden just fine since that was always UGA's open weekend, so our anniversary wouldn't ever fall on gameday. Hahaha.

The rest of the story is in the details. We went through times that were excrutiatingly lonely. My brother, Branden and I were running the home, paying the bills and cutting the grass while they fought to keep my dad alive. My mom and I planned the wedding through phone calls and emails and tried to make the best of a bad situation. We saw them once every couple of months as they got to come visit or we went there and we all tried to hang to the string that seemed to be slowly unraveling.

By the last week in Sept., I think we had all had enough. I called them panicked about the wedding on a Sunday night at 10 p.m. After that phone call, they made a brave decision to pack up and come home. It was just time. They drove all night and arrived home by mid-morning on a Monday. We were married on a beautiful Saturday a.m. and bald-headed and frail, my daddy was able to walk me down the aisle. Pastor Wesley announced that he didn't know what was a more beautiful sight, me as the bride, or him just being there. I like to think it was both us standing together, with tears in our eyes. As a matter of fact, as we walked through that church, I don't think there was a dry eye in the pews.

Against the wishes of his doctors, we all decided that it would be best for him to stay here. God provided some wonderful doctors here in Savannah, where he finished up treatments and is still continually monitored. There is always the fear that the cancer will return. But for today, we praise God for the total healing that he did in my dad's life then and continues to do now.

You see, I titled this post, "His Grace Is Enough" because it was through this experience that I learned the truth in that statement. Many times during that ordeal, God's grace was all that we had to hold onto. And, many times since then, He has proven himself over and again. You see, even if He hadn't healed my dad, His grace would have been enough in that situation as well. While I am thankful that He did, I know that no matter what, God has a plan for each of our lives...a plan that He will work out, irregardless of what we think, or feel, or act. And no matter what we do, He will choose to work all things out for good for those that love Him and called to His purposes. God only wants good for us...but it is up to Him to decide how we get there. And along the way, there will be trials and tribulations. We will be held to the fire, but we will not be burned. We will wonder in the desert, but will not be lost. We will hang on the cross, but we will not die ~ not spiritually anyway. Because we believe in Jesus and we trust in Him, His grace is the manna we will get for today.

When my parents were gone and it seemed to me that I was lost and wondering in the desert, I would listen to 'It Is Well With My Soul,' a version by Jennifer Knapp. That song ministered so much to my heart because it says exactly how I felt ~ that no matter I go through, it is well with my soul because my soul trusts in God. It is still one of my all-time favorite songs.

Whatever you are struggling with today, please know and be encouraged of God's grace and his plans for your life. He never gives up and he never grows weary. He is there for you, just as he was for me. Tonight, we are grilling steaks, roasting potatoes and celebrating my dad's life and the miracle that he is! On Saturday, we will have a family gathering to celebrate my granddad's 80th birthday. And Sunday, we will celebrate our Risen Christ, who death could not defeat and who will one day, be returning for those that believe in him.

God is good, isn't he? All the time...