Moonbeams and Daydreams

It's Saturday....

2011-03-05T10:26:00.000-05:00

It's Saturday. The day before Sunday. Today, most people will be running errands, working in the yard, spending time with family, or doing a myriad of mindless tasks to check off their lists. For me and my family, this is the day before Sunday. Before the Sunday that changed our lives forever. So, a year ago, we rose early, went to the hospital, sat vigil at the side of my daddy in ICU, welcomed guests, giving hugs and weak smiles and hoping to make them feel appreciated for their visit, all the while longing to be sitting vigil by his side. We talked to each other in hushed whispers, made phone calls to give updates, and held on to hope. That Friday changed everything, as we left for a quick lunch at Carey Hilliards, urging him to drink his protein shake and that we would see him in just a few minutes. What a shock to get a phone call from Casey, "hurry, please. I don't know what's wrong with dad. I need you." Rushing upstairs, the man that we gave quick kisses and admonishes about eating to was no longer there, replaced with someone talking incoherently and agitated. When the doctors came in on Friday and put him on that ventilator, we hoped to believe them when they said that it was only going to give his body a chance to rest, to not fight so hard, to recoup. When the kidney doctor came in with that big dialysis machine, we hoped to believe it would only be temporary. We hoped to believe them when they said there was a chance he would be able to come off all of it. We hoped to believe them when they said they've had patients stay on them for two weeks, and still come out of it and recover. We hoped to believe and only heard what we wanted to hear. We approved those things with the hope to make him better not knowing it would be the beginning of the end. With a fear in his eyes that I'll never forget, I sang "glory glory hallelujah" to my daddy as they sedated him on that ventilator. Hoping and not yet knowing that would be the last time I would ever see his eyes. Hoping he knew how much I loved him. How much I desperately needed him to get better. Naively, we spoke of the ventilator and dialysis as a good thing. A chance for him to rest. To give his body a break. Naively, we were relieved that there was a break from his struggle. Naively, we were comforted by the stillness of his body and the higher numbers on the monitors, showing his oxygen levels and breathing to be stable. We didn't even realize that we would never see his body move again. It was the beginning of the end and yet, we focused on the positive, not even realizing that death was only two days away.

Its Saturday. It's been 364 days since my daddy died.  This time last year, we still didn't know that it was our last full day of normalicy. I stayed home that morning, resting and spending time with Rhett. It was a pretty uneventful day. This vitals were stable, normal even. We ate lunch with our family at Applebee's. I brought Rhett to the hospital. He watched The Wiggles with Aunt Michelle 100 times and provided some much needed entertainment in the waiting room. There was another family there. Their father was about the same age as daddy and had complication from a heart procedure. I remember listening to them talk about him getting better. I was resentful and yet happy that they didn't have the same suffering that we did. People came and went. Same weak smiles, hugs all around, half listening to their stories, half dead brained and numb. We left early that Saturday night. He was stable the nurses said. They would call if something changed. Go rest. He's in good hands. Kisses on his cheek, "I love you daddy." I drove mama home, how, I don't know, as we were both in a dense fog that I'm not yet sure has lifted.

Sunday we get up and get dressed. Another day at the hospital. A phone call from the nurse ~ "you can come on up if you want." What does that mean? Another race to Savannah, with the flashers on. Here we go on that roller coaster again. I don't remember alot about Sunday morning after our meeting with Dr. Bottner, a sweet but blunt cardiologist on call. He brought us into that little room I had grown to hate. We hear "his body is shutting down. Kidney failure. Heart failure. Not going to get better. Vegetable state. Your choice is to leave him like this or to cut the machines now. Nothing will save him. Nothing will make him better. We've done all we can. His body is too weak for the fight. Too much fluid. He is drowning. I'm so sorry. What would you like to do?" What would we like to do?!?!? We would like to not be having this conversation. We'd like for him to open his eyes. We'd like for this to be a bad dream. We'd like to take him home now. But those are not our choices. Our choices are to let him live or help him die. It's probably not really like that, but that's how it felt. How could we choose to turn off those machines? How could we choose to end his life? I know all the while, he wasn't waking up. It was a matter of time. We were helping him not to suffer. Rationally, I know all of this. At the time, there is no rational, only pure, raw emotion, that rocks your body to the core, physically and otherwise. My grandparents, his parents, weren't even there yet. How long do we have? Not very long. Ok. It seemed like they were asking something as inane as would you like paper or plastic...except this was life or death. By now, you know the choice and it's not something I can really even talk about for somewhere deep inside, it still feels like we chose to kill him. Again, rationally, I know it's not so and I don't need for everyone to tell me such, but it's my raw human emotion, the kind you know isn't true, but you can't help but feel.

So, Sunday morning while the majority of our friends were in their respective church services, praying, lifting hands, worshipping, listening to a sermon, thinking about lunch, we all gathered in a small hospital room and listened the heart stop of the man we loved more than life itself. It was almost too cruel to hear that monitor beep, beep, beep, slower, slower, slower, then one big breath, then...nothing.  One by one, people left. Cousins, aunts, uncles...I don't even remember who all was there that day.  It was almost scary how quickly the change from his living body to his dead body took place. And in those moments where our hearts almost audibly broke in two pieces, his was restored. While our lives were torn in half, his was put back together, healed, and brought to the living God for a complete wholeness to which we will never know until we too, have that experience. I couldn't watch that transformation from life to death and had to leave the room, yet couldn't bear the thought of leaving my daddy, which left me collapsed on the floor outside his room, not knowing what to do next. How do we leave him here? Where do we go after all of this time spent at the hospital? What are we supposed to do for the rest of this day, what we thought would be another day of vigil? The rest of this day, this week, this year? What to do now?

What we did was nothing short of pure survival. We planned a funeral. I wrote the obituary for the paper. We were shocked by the number of people who came to love on us at the visitation and the burial site. The names and the faces of these people are continuously in my mind and we speak of them often. "Do you remember so and so coming?" "I saw his name in the book, but I don't remember seeing him." Or, "wow, they came all the way from ____ for us." I didn't know if that line on Tuesday night would ever end and in a strange way, I didn't want it to. What a testament to my daddy and our family that we would be loved on so completely. It was a very real way of God pouring his love out on us when we needed it.

In the days, weeks, and months to follow, we have been stretched, pulled, bent, and tried, but we have survived.  It hasn't been ideal nor in the way that people thought we might have reacted, but it's the way we have chosen to fight, to survive. I believe that God has shown us an extraordinary measure of grace and love. In Matthew, it says "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." And, I believe we have experienced that comfort. Sometimes it is hard, especially when we feel the expectation of others, but we must keep our minds focused on the fact that this has been our cross to bear. This is the path that God has chosen for us and no one else will be able to understand our unique path because it is not their own. Even our own individual paths are different ~ I react to situations differently from my mom, my brother, my grandparents, or aunts and uncles because each of us was touched by daddy in a different way. To me, he was a wonderful daddy, to my mom, her helpmate, her best friend, to my grandparents, a literal piece of them that is missing, my aunts and uncles, he was a brother, a friend, a constant. So, we each have a different reaction, but are yet united in grief and our intense love for him. It binds us like never before and makes us even more grateful and appreciative for those in our own lives. It has been an unbearable year, but we have survived. We have made it. We are stronger and closer than ever before. And we will continue to grow as we travel this path laid out before us. I will never understand why we were chosen for this task, but I do know one thing. I know that if he could bear witness to our journey, my daddy would be so proud of each of us as we have perservered through this dark, mostly uphill journey with strength, grace, poise, and determination. And even if there are bumps along the way, we know we will make it and keep going, because really, not going forward it not a viable option. So, forward we go, as we pause this weekend to honor the life of a beautiful man and each other's long journeys, and then keep walking this road, together and united in our fight and love for the Lord, daddy, and each other.

Before and After

2010-09-19T17:20:00.000-04:00

I had pretty much given up on blogging until now. There was just too much to say and not the words to say it as we continue to learn how to live without the anchor of our family. We are doing well and working things out. We have good days and bad days, but continue to improve each day. But, that's not what we're here to talk about. That is not the reason I decided to come back to the blogging world.

The reason I came back here was blatent, all-out, bragging. I needed an outlet to brag on myself a little, so I chose the most obvious one, the blog world. So, thanks in advance for allowing me some self-indulgence.

This year, we returned to Athens for football season and have so far, had a great time. As I was posting pictures from yesterday, I was looking through pictures from last year and was shocked to actually see the difference in myself in just a year. I know I have worked very hard to get back in shape over the past year, but to see the results is amazing, if I do say so myself. The difference is 40 lbs. See for yourself:

2009

2010

People ask me all the time what I've done to get these results. I have done the elliptical, pilates, and revamped my eating habits, but not too consistently over the past two years. This fall, I'm incorporating interval training in order to hopefully run a 5K in December before our family goes on a cruise for Christmas. If it's something I can do, it'll be one of my most proud accomplishments. These results give me the motivation to keep going. Who knows what next year might bring. If it's another 20 lbs. lost, then bring it on!

"Jesus Bring the Rain"

2010-03-25T11:16:00.000-04:00

One of the most often asked questions that I get asked as a Christian is 'how do you know when the Lord is speaking to you?' and it is one that I have even asked myself. Sometimes, it's a book that someone has loaned me that speaks directly to my soul, other times it's when I'm having a conversation with someone else that I hear his voice, and sometimes it's just the feeling of peace that passes all understanding in the bottom of my soul that I know can only come from Him. Once about 10 years ago, a dear friend of mine told me that God speaks directly to her by giving her rainbows. Every time she is struggling with something, God will show her a rainbow to let her know that He is still with her. I thought that was cool and begin to wonder how exactly God showed himself to me in a direct and consistent way. What I discovered was that He always gives me one song that ministers directly to my heart.

That one song becomes an anthem of sorts, that I can listen to over and over again, bringing comfort and peace to know God is in control. When I was going through a bad breakup, it was 'Landslide,' by Stevie Nicks (I didn't say it was always a 'Christian' song!). When my dad as in the hospital five years ago, it was 'Voice of Truth,' by Mercy Me. And when my parents were in Texas, it was 'Peace' by Jennifer Knapp. After I had Rhett, I would sing the old hymns to him at bedtime, lulling him to sleep and bringing peace to my tired body and mind with 'Glory, Glory Hallelujah," "Amazing Grace," and "At The Cross."

I can't explain how I know one song is given to me from the Lord for a time such as this, but I just know. Since my daddy passed away, I have heard many, many songs on the radio from christian and secular stations, but most cause me to turn the station, bringing tears of sorrow from the grief and mourning in my heart. This morning, though...this morning...I received it. My song from the Lord. The one that speaks peace deep into my heart. The one that strengthens my faith. The one that I can stand on as a voice of truth amid a sea of emotions that come from the grief of losing my daddy. It's not a new song...but it's new to me.

So, without further adeu, I give you "Jesus, Bring the Rain," from Mercy Me as a testament that God still speaks to His children and that He provides for our every need:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m17af0XmPFo&feature=related.

I hope it speaks to you as it has to me. If not though, don't worry. God probably has a different way for you. Keep your eyes open ~ you don't want to miss the blessing He has in store!

Walking in the Shadow...

2010-03-13T22:34:00.000-05:00

To say this has been the darkest part of my life would be an understatement. It will be a week ago tomorrow since my daddy passed away and I still have no words to describe how I feel or how we are functioning. I wish I had the ability to write something profound or inspirational, but right now I barely have the words to say 'I'm okay' and mean it.

I miss my daddy. I miss hearing his voice on the phone and his truck in the drive. I miss his laugh when he rolls around on the floor with Rhett. I miss feeling his hugs and his 'love you em' before I leave the house. His yard shoes still sit by the door and his cross still hangs in the bathroom. Everything I do reminds me of him, or should I say, the absence of him. I see the pain in the eyes of my brother and the sadness in the eyes on my mom and know that they are mirroring my own. I watch my husband try to be everything to everyone, all the while wishing he could take the pain away. I hear everyone telling me that it'll take time and to call them if I need anything, but I can't even figure out what I need to be able to tell them. The only thing I need is him...nothing else will make this any easier, but that's not an option. He is the only one who didn't ask anything of me, expect me to be anything, other than who I am in his eyes. I didn't have to give anything to daddy except my love and I didn't have to be strong for him because he was always strong for me.

A week ago, I watched them put daddy on a ventilator to breath for him. At that point, I thought I knew where this was going and tried to prepare myself. But, nothing can prepare you for watching your daddy take his last breaths and then see the rigor or death set in. While it was difficult seeing his body lying there, absent of life, it was strangely comforting too. It was so obvious that the body lying there in the bed was no longer him, but just the outer shell of the man in my heart. I grieve the loss of a wonderful man, but he is no longer there in that cemetary, but he is walking with the Lord, which brings me great peace and joy in my heart. I do not think Daddy would choose to come back here to us, because he is in a perfect place. Rather, he would wish we could join him instead.

While I hurt and my heart is breaking, I still have the peace that passes all understanding in this situation. I believe that daddy was sick far longer than we realized, but he didn't want to burden us with his pain. I believe that his suffering was too unbearable and his body could no longer cope with the burden of living, which was exacerbated by the pneumonia that eventually led to his death. I believe that God called him to heaven for a reason, which is not mine to question, but instead trust in His plans and know that He only wants the best for me. I believe that Daddy now dwells in the shadows of the Lord Almighty and is walking the banks of the lakes with Jesus. I know he is now experiencing the fullness of Jesus Christ and I am joyful for his sake. I also believe that God's hand is upon us, as we grieve and learn how to create a new kind of normal. We can feel his presence and the prayers of his people. We trust that He is going to do things in our lives that are far greater than we could ever imagine. We hope that God would be glorified in this situation and that when people see us, they would see the Holy Spirit's covering upon us.

God never said it would be easy, but he did say to trust in Him and it would be worth it. So, while we walk through the shadow of death in this season of our lives, we will fear no evil for he is with us. He is our comforter and our deliverer. We are leaning against him to find our peace, our refuge, and our strength.

Psalms 34:15-18
"The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Psalms 91:1-2

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

Isaiah 41:10
"So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

John 14:1-3
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

Romans 8:38-39
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

It's My Blog Birthday!

2010-02-12T07:15:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, MOONBEAMS AND DAYDREAMS!

I guess it's technically an anniversary, but I think birthdays are much more fun...because they involve cupcakes, icing, and sprinkles. And, I missed the actual date of my first blog, which was a year ago on 2/9/09, but this will have to do.

So here we are...one year and 48 posts later! I started this as a place to leave my thoughts, share some insights and maybe a little inspiration. Along the way, I have met new friends, gained a few followers, and learned so much about myself. And you have too! You've read about my life, including my struggle with weight loss, my adventures as a new mommy, my collected memories from the past, and the things that the Lord has shown me along the way, and you've enduring the endless pictures of my adorable son!

I hope you have enjoyed (or at least endured) this blog as much as I have. For me, writing is much like therapy, allowing me to get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper (or on the screen, in this case), where I can leave them. More than anything, I hope that my transparency and honesty here has made a small difference in someone else's life because it sure has made a difference in mine!

So, happy birthday blog! Blow out your candles and make a wish...

Finding Rest...

2010-02-02T08:03:00.000-05:00

Lately, God has been tugging at my heartstrings as he has been drawing me back to him. Not that I ever 'left' him, but in the busy-ness of life, I have allowed my time and relationship with him to get pushed to the back. I neglected my prayer life, my quiet times, and my bible study and my heart has suffered the consequences. So, in the spirit of the new year, I have tried to reprioritize my life and make time for these things again. Granted, I've only been doing this for two days, but my heart and my spirit are already so refreshed! This morning's passage in my little devotional is so great, I couldn't wait to share it. And when I saw that it came from one of my very favorite writers, Eugenia Price, I knew the Lord had given me a very sweet kiss this morning. So, here you go:

Jesus said: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." ~ Matt. 11:28-29

"Here lies the source of the rest He offers: If we come just as we are, He will welcome us. Spiritual fatigue, a burdened heart, the ugly mess we make of our lives, causes us to long for rest - any kind of rest from the inner and outer tensions against which we struggle. To expect such a troubled spirit to improve itself, to untangle its own problems, is as impossible as to expect a man with two broken legs to sprint.

God offers the kind of inner rest that releases the energy we need to change out inadequacies to adequacies. I have never known anyone who could do the job alone. Jesus must have seen it this way. Otherwise He would not have extended His inclusive invitation to all those who were in particular need of rest.

Two things are necessary for us: we must see our need and we must come. The rest is up to God. And He can move into action on our behalf much more swiftly if we come - just as we are. Making no excuses, offering no explanations of how we got this way, but only expecting Him to act - not according to OUR idea of One who sits in judgement - rather, as He is...a God of love.

If we come as we are, expecting God to be there waiting for us as He is, we see at once that we are not the determining factor. God is."

~ Eugenia Price

I pray that you will know that kind of rest today...the kind of rest in your soul that allows you to crawl into your heavenly Father's lap and cast all your cares and troubles upon Him. He will then give you the energy and the strength to face it all with a peace that passes all understanding, as you trust in Him.

Go ahead...Make My Day!

2010-01-21T07:57:00.000-05:00

So, other than spending a great 30th birthday with my wonderful family, here are a couple of things that happened that just made my day!

1. I went to a Golddigger's jewelry party on a whim today. I traded two bracelets for $245 and still kept the diamonds. The thing about this is that we have pay our property taxes at the end of the month and have been about $300 off the mark...God is cool like that.

2. I FINALLY got all of my itunes songs, and more importantly, my workout playlist, loaded onto my blackberry. This is huge for me, because I've been trying to do this for WEEKS, and now I can go to the gym anytime without having to work out a schedule with the hubs for the ipod.

3. The City of Savannah announced this week that they are beginning an amnesty program for people who have unpaid parking tickets. If you know me well, you know why that made my day! I don't know how much $$ I have racked up parking fines, but I'd be willing to bet that I'm on the naughty list for this one.

4. I happened to drive by the house that I grew up in today and noticed some firetrucks down the street, so I decided to investigate. Long story short, the city is burning down the houses on that block to make room for a park, supposedly. I talked the firemen into letting me take a look around and man, was that like stepping back into a time machine! It looked SO much smaller than I remember. I certainly don't remember living in a small box and it seems like we had a lot of stuff back then, so I'm not sure how my mom made it work, but she did. I'm pretty sure my bedroom was supposed to be closet, but looking back, I don't remember it being small at all. I remember my daybed with the trundle that my cousin, Penny slept on almost every weekend. I remember my white dresser with the white eyelet lamp shade and the flowers my daddy gave me once. I remember the hanging closet in the corner b/c the room didn't have one. I remember looking out the window and watching my dad work in his shop and laying in bed and watching T.V. through the mini blinds at night. So, although it was teeny tiny, the most important thing is that our parents made it work and we never realized how cramped it really was because we were too busy having a wonderful childhood.

It was very sad to see my childhood home being ripped apart, board by board. I walked through and remembered running around, playing chase with my brother, climbing into my parents bed at night (the wood paneling was still on the walls!), sitting at the bar doing my homework and watching my mom iron, and riding our bikes up and down the sidewalk. It was a great place to live and I have many, many fond memories of that place. I walked out with tears in my eyes (I'm pretty sure those firemen thought I was a little looney), and looking up and down the street, I saw one of our old neighbors, Mrs. Thompson, who lived two doors down. I remember her being old then, but she hadn't aged much at all. She was so surprised to see me and had tears in her eyes as she told me about her grandson T.J., who was one of my best friends growing up, living in California and how lonely she is without him. She told me all about her bad day at the doctor's office, her frustration with getting older, and all the changes that had happened in the old neighborhood. I'm pretty sure that I made her week, maybe her month, just by stopping by and saying hi. While it was very sad to think about my old home being burnt to the ground, I was very humbled to have the opportunity to take one more walk through and share some memories with a jewel of a lady who was like another grandmother to me. The irony of getting to do so on my 30th birthday wasn't lost on me, either. It was like God just chose to sprinkle me with blessings, for which I am extremely grateful.

So, I guess the first day of my 30's was pretty great. I'm looking forward to the weekend for more celebrating with hubs and the rest of my family as well. And, to say that I'm blessed beyond measure would be the understatement of the year! :)

Hello 30's...I've been waiting for you my whole life!

2010-01-19T13:26:00.000-05:00

I don't have much time to expound on how I feel about turning 30 tomorrow,and there is much to say about what I've learned and how I've grown in the past decade. I will leave you with this little thought:

This photo is from New Year's Eve 2002. I call that the year my life changed forever! We went out in downtown Athens, had a great time, and if I remember correctly, I randomly kissed the guy standing next to me at midnight (b/c I'm so wild like that...lol)!

And this one is from this past weekend.

My bff abby and her family came down to visit for a few days. We went to dinner with our hubby's, took our kids to the bounce house, and drew cows on the sidewalk for fun. I don't know about her, but I think I enjoyed this weekend much better than that one so long ago. And,considering the seven years difference in these pictures includes both of us having babies, I'd so we don't look so bad after all this time! I mean, thirty IS the new twenty after all! :)

LOVE!

Immediate Blessings...

2010-01-13T15:03:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was one of my worst days ever. I don't know why, but I've been so cranky and dissatisfied with my life lately. I've just been in the worst mood lately, which is totally unlike me. I have picked fights with my hubby, let things bother me that usually don't, and found myself discontent with my job, which is pretty much amazing. It always takes talking to my BFF who reminds me that this is a monthly thing with me and that I should just let it run it's course. And, she's usually right. Although this time, I did feel like I was dissatisfied with some particular things in my heart that needed to be dealt with.

Sometimes, I think the Lord causes us to be dissatisfied with our lives so we will reevaulate where we are and make changes for the better. I think that is where I was and it all come to head yesterday. First of all, I feel that my relationship with the Lord isn't where it should be and I need to do something about that. So, I'm going to make my bible study and prayer time more of a priority in my life, somehow. Secondly, I realize that I am in need of good, close Christian girl friends. After feeling the Lord prompting me to reach out to a couple of girls that I knew but not very well, I sent them both an email asking them if we could start a playdate/bible study group, knowthing that they would probably think I was crazy. Well, wouldn't you know that both of them were excited about it and have needed something like that in their lives as well. We now have a date set to get together and I couldn't be more excited! And lastly, I realized that hubs and I needed to focus on our marriage more and try to make each other happier by doing the things that we know will please the other. Too often, our lives focus on being parents and we neglect each other as spouses, which causes discontent. When explaining all of this to my hubs, he agreed and we are now on the same page. We are even going to find a Sunday School class at church together, which will be a first in a long time for us.

To top it all off, I found out that the City of Savannah is offering me (and all the other deliquents out there) amnesty for my unpaid parking tickets!!!!! Woo Hoo! All I have to do is pay the original fines and they'll wave the late fees. No more holding my head in shame as I pass the parking ticket office every day or being scared of being booted when I park on the squares. And, Tennessee lost their head coach, which makes a great day in the Bulldog nation.

So, what started as a crappy day ended up being a very happy one. I think that just as he allows the discontentment in our hearts which causes us to turn to him, he also pours out his blessings upon us to remind us that when we turn our problems and troubles over to him, He always has a perfect plan and a way that is so much better than ours. I just hope it will stick this time...

Knockin' on Thirty's Door...

2010-01-12T11:58:00.000-05:00

In eight days, I turn the big 3-0. I cannot believe it! I swear I just got those tickets to go see 'Grease' on my 18th birthday last year and remember celebrating my 21st like it was yesterday. Now, approaching the exit of one decade and knocking on the door of another. It's kind of scary when you think about it.

The thing is, when I turned 20, I pretty much knew what was up the road. I knew I still had to finish college, I would probably get a good job, and would eventually get married and have a family. I guess looking back, that is exactly what I did. Well, except I stayed in college and got two degrees, have had three jobs since then, and got married to a completely different person than I expected. But, it's all good...for real. You make a lot of really big decisions in your twenties. You decide where to live, what to major in, where to work, who to marry, and if you're like me and most of my friends, you start having babies.

I guess in your 30's, you begin to live out the product of those decisions, good or bad. I was talking to a friend the other day who was telling me that she hated her field of work and was considering going back to school to do something else entirely. The only problem is, she's 30 with two kids, a mortgage, etc. and doesn't know how to make it work. Should she stay in a job that she hates for the rest of her life because of a decision she made when she was 20? It's a tough decision that comes with some very real considerations. The problem with making all those decisions when you're so young is that you change SO much in those ten years. I am not the same person I was at 20 when I was at UGA, or even at 25 when I got married. Nor will I be the same at 40 as I am at 30, God willing. We can't constantly look back and think, 'if only life was as simple as when I was younger.' Or second guess our own decisions and wonder, 'what if I had chosen differently?' because that only makes you dissatisfied with the life you are currently living. We grow, we change, and we have to make the most with what we have been given or what the outcome of those choices brings. Life's too short to constantly look back and wonder 'what if?' Before you know it, another decade will have passed and you'll be reminscing about how great you had it 'back then.' You can't change where you are, but you can control where you are going and it's up to you whether you move forward or allow yourself to backwards, longing for 'what might have been' through rose-tinted glasses, no less.

So, here's to my new decade and whatever it may bring. I pray it will be much peace, much happiness, and more growth and change within me. In my next thirty years, I hope I will have been stretched, grown, changed, challenged, blessed, loved, and have been loved even more than in these past ones. Here's to my 30's...and whatever they may bring! :)

I'm no Scarlett Johannson, but...

2009-12-02T22:24:00.004-05:00

I was sweating it out on the elliptical machine yesterday when the girl next to me was getting off, so I borrowed her copy of Glamour Magazine to pass the time (and to keep me from being obsessive about watching the clock). I looked at the cover and saw a red-headed and always gorgeous Scarlett Johannson.

As I looked over the cover, it occured to me that Scarlett's hair color, which was stunning on her, was eerily similar to my new red-tinted do, which I haven't been crazy about since I made the switch to go darker. I have been obsessing about it being too red, too dark, or not right for my skin color. I have waited on people to mention it, so I could explain that it wasn't exactly the look I was going for and have contemplated going back to the salon to get it redone more brown and less red.

It got me to thinking...as women, why are we so hard on ourselves but so much more accepting of others? As I looked at Scarlett's picture on the front, I thought..."Look how great she looks with red hair! Good for her to try something different and pull it off." But, when I look at my own hair, I think..."Oh my God! What was I thinking? This color is hideous on me and makes me look like a freak." Why can't I cut myself some slack and accept myself as just as gorgeous as Scarlett? I guess it comes down to self-esteem.

As I thumbed through the rest of the mag, I came across this photo:

(you can read the entire article here: www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2009/08/what-everyone-but-you-sees-about-your-body)

This picture is of size 12 plus size model, Liz Miller. Glamour has decided to start featuring more plus sized models in their upcoming issues in order to have a more diverse showing in their magazines. What strikes me the most about this photo is how comfortable she seems in her own skin. She is not only gorgeous, but confident and happy with herself, just as she is. And she is my size. Her belly looks like mine, her arms look like mine, and she has a little pudge when she crosses her legs, just like mine. So, why do I consider her body beautiful and my own overweight, fat, and disgusting? Is it because she IS more confident and therefore, more happy with herself? Or is it because she has accepted herself for just as she is, where confidence begins?

The editor noted in the November issue that they had so many responses to this photo that they did a follow-up article featuring multiple nude plus size models. (http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/2009/10/these-bodies-are-beautiful-at-every-size). She said that one mother wrote in to say that when her daughter saw the photo, she said "Mama, she looks just like you...beautiful." Doesn't that just melt your heart? The editor spoke to the thoughts I had previously ~ about how we as women, can be so hard on ourselves, while others see the beauty in us that we can't see in ourselves. Also, how we can accept others and their flaws as positives, but are so negative about ourselves.

It is time as women, that we begin to accept ourselves and each other for how we are, how the good Lord created us, and to stop being so hard on ourselves, creating negative body images, bad self-esteem, and overall unhappiness in our lives. For the sake of our daughters, our nieces, our sisters, and all the young ladies that we come in contact with. We are the ones they learn from and if we can learn to love and accept ourselves just as we are, then they can too.

To continue in this spirit, the editor challenged Glamour readers to send in comments about their bodies, but they could only be positive statements. No negativity accepted. So, I began to wonder what my friends, my family members, and my blog readers (all four of you!) would say if you could tell me one reason why you love your body and yourselves? Come on and play this game with me...how are you proud of your body or what do you love about yourself?

For me, I love that I am strong enough to lift my son up in my arms and I'm soft enough to rock him to sleep at night. I love that my eyes are the same color as my brother's, my mom's, and my dad's, reminding me that I'm part of a strong family and our ties run deep. And, I love when people tell me that I favor my mom, because I think she is one of the prettiest women in this world and I would be happy to age as gracefully as she has.

What about you? What do you love about your body? As women, may we strive to think positively about ourselves and cut us and each other a little slack.

Trick or Treat...

2009-11-02T10:00:00.006-05:00

Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat. If you don't, I don't care, I'll pull down your underwear!" Does anyone remember this little ditty from childhood? I wonder who came up with that saying anyway?

Another Halloween has come and gone and another massacre took place in Jacksonville. We won't talk about the beating Georgia took on Saturday. Let's just say that this isn't going to be our year. I love Halloween for many reasons (yes...other than the fact that it includes massive amounts of chocolate!). When we were kids, we celebrated my cousin Jeremiah's birthday on Halloween, all gathering at Granny's house for hot dogs, chili and getting dressed up. We couldn't wait for the adults to finish eating and cleaning up the kitchen (penny if you're reading this...you are laughing now!), so we could head out to collect the goods. My cousin Penny and I are only 13 months apart and were pretty much inseparable. We would skip down the road, run up to the houses, and ring the doorbells hand in hand. When we got to the scary houses...the ones with people coming out of coffins and the guy who sat on his porch with a microphone calling 'children, children...come here children!', she was the one who told me not to be scared and dragged me up on the porches. She's the one who got me to try mustard on my hot dogs, how to put on eyeliner, and that Santa Claus wasn't real (thanks penny!). She has always inspired me to be daring, brave and adventurous and helped me discover that in those times, the most fun is had.

As I have reached adulthood, I wanted to continue the Halloween tradition. So, we gather all of our families at our house, cook chili and hot dogs and head out trick or treating. This year was so much fun with Rhett because he is much more aware of what is going on. We loaded him up in his wagon and took off. His eyes were big as saucers as he checked out all the other kids and laughed at his Nana, who dressed up as a clown.

He was the cutest Tigger you've ever seen...

Who's not spoiled or anything, kicked back on his pillow while the rest of us hoofed it through the neighborhood...

He almost fell out...only giving him his second wind for later that night when he put on a show for his grandparents!

And a good time was had by all!

I am a Good Wife...

2009-10-26T14:58:00.002-04:00

Really, I am. I mean ~ I could be better, I admit...but my hubs, he has it pretty good. Do you want to know why? Of course you do! Our four year anniversary was October 1st, which was a Thursday. We didn't do much of anything b/c we were leaving on Friday to go to a Georgia game, for which we have season tickets for. Hubs promised we would go out the next weekend for our anniversary, so no big deal. So, we went off to Athens and had a great time. The following weekend came and went and I was busy getting ready for the Hall of Fame, so no night out for us. Finally, this weekend Hubs called his parents to watch Rhett and we were going out. All day long, I thought about what I would wear and where we would go...so excited for a night out on the town!

Right before getting in the shower, I asked hubs where he was thinking of going and he shrugged his shoulders, throwing out a couple of places that were more like sports bars and less like nice restaurants (obviously, even though GA wasn't playing...he didn't want to miss a second of football). I then asked him what he was going to wear, to which he replied...'something with jeans, I guess' as he went back to his t.v. watching. After a few minutes of me standing there and clearing my throat, a commercial came on and he turned his attention back to me. 'Why, what did you want me to wear?' To which I replied..."I was thinking maybe something a little nicer than jeans." Then he says...(wait for it) ~ "YOU WANT ME TO WEAR KHAKI'S?!?!?" lol...like I had asked him to go naked or something! I got in the shower, with just a few fumes coming from my head, and thought about our exchange. Here I was thinking of The Pink House, Ruth's Chris Steakhouse and Vic's on the River and he just took the wind out of my sails and all the fun of getting ready for a night out and he didn't even know it! After a really long, really hot shower with alot of to think about, I got ready and wore a casual, but cute dress and yes, he wore his jeans. We tried to get into the new restaurant downtown, 'The Melting Pot,' but it was reservations only, so we walked around and ended up on the porch at Tubby's, where we always end up. We dined outside, listened to a great band play all of our favorite songs and even caught the end of the Tennessee/Alabama game. It was a nice, relaxing night that was much needed and much enjoyed by both of us.

On the way home, I told hubs that I had come to a realization...that we are not 'fancy people.' Yes, we could have gotten all dressed up and gone to eat at one of those stuffy, ritzy places and had a good meal, but I don't think we would have had a good time. We would have been too concerned about which wine to order, what fork to use and how to properly eat asparagus. I could have married a man who owned designer suits and took every chance he got to wear them. But, I bet he wouldn't look nearly as good riding a John Deere or playing ball in the front yard. And, I'm sure I would find something wrong with him too. I'm a woman...that's what we do! Instead, I married my man and we had a perfectly lovely evening, hanging out and relaxing with each other in an atmosphere that suited both of us. But, even though we both enjoyed it...I'm still a good wife b/c I didn't force the issue and my husband got away with an anniversary dinner with football, live music and fried shrimp...and he'd better not forget it...at least for another year!

(P.S. ~ he's promised The Melting Pot this Friday. I'll let you know if anything actually comes of that!) :)

Gap Casting Call!

2009-10-16T08:30:00.002-04:00

Awhile ago, someone (well, my cousin Danielle) suggested that I send Rhett's photo off for publication. I considered it, but then got busy, as always. Then a friend sent me an email and I thought this was perfect! So, Rhett is officially entered into the Gap Casting Call contest! I sent in four photographs, which will be judged after the submission time frame is over next week. The top 20 finalist will be called back for a photoshoot, which will be posted online and then narrowed down to the top 4. The winners will be featured in The Gap's advertising campaign in 2010. In addition, there is a fan favorite category, which is tallied by votes for your favorite submission.

So, if you feel inclined ~ you can visit www.gap.com/castingcall to vote for Rhett! You will have to complete a short registration (which will give you a 20% off coupon for Gap ~ bonus!) and then you can search for his photos by using the name 'emilee0611.' You can vote once a day until Nov. 22nd, so please do! And, feel free to forward this to your friends as well (mom and Mrs. Nancy ~ this means you!)

Thanks everyone! I know it's a longshot, but after taking such beautiful photos with Shuman Fine Art Photography, I couldn't help but want to share them with the world

Visit www.gap.com/castingcall then register, then search for 'emilee0611'. Thanks in advance!!!

Cruise Control...

2009-10-15T21:07:00.003-04:00

To say that I've had a busy fall would be the understatement of the year! Hubs and I have talked about getting season tickets to the UGA games since we've been married, but something has always come up around the time it has come to commit the cash for the tickets. This year, we through all logic out the window and won some great seats on ebay (well, I threw all logic out the window when I got into a bidding war and went $200 over our agreed stopping point!). So, for three weekends straight, we were burning up the roads back and forth to Athens. It was a crazy, off the cuff thing to do, but I don't remember when we've had so much fun together! Although I hate leaving Rhett for those weekends, the time away with just the two of us has been priceless, as we have reconnected and remembered what it's like to have fun together and actually enjoy each other's company.

(fyi ~ this is not me and the hubs, but me and my brother, Casey. It's the only picture I had on this computer from Gamedays to upload!).

The other part of this busy season has been the planning and execution of the Savannah Business Hall of Fame, which is our largest fundraiser for JA each year. It doesn't matter how early I get started planning this thing, it seems to always come down to the wire. It is a gignormous undertaking which I am primarily responsible for. From coordinating interviews, putting together a $22k silent auction, designing the invitations, the program book and silent auction posters, creating the powerpoints, writing the scripts for the speakers and the bios for the laureates, running the A/V, to keeping my boss calm all falls right on my shoulders. I am proud to say that the event on Tuesday night went off without a hitch (well, without too big of one anyway!). Although it's enough to put me in a padded cell, I really do love every second of it. When everything gets going and I can step back, look around and see it all come together makes it all very much worth it. And, having the man for which one of the most well known art museums was named tell me it was the best event he's ever been to wasn't so bad either! :)

But, as much as I love it, I am glad to slow down and be back in cruise control for awhile. The thing about cruise control is that you can pretty much coast along, until you come up on something and you need to hit the breaks, reset your speed, or speed up and pass someone. But, you're not running a race necessarily. I am glad to have some time with Rhett on the weekends, to get my house back in order, to plant some fall flowers and get back to some sort of real life...until November at least and we head back to Athens to cheer on the dawgs!

Check out some photos from the Hall of Fame:

http://spotted.savannahnow.com/galleries/index.php?id=369438

It's Crunch Time!

2009-09-02T09:27:00.002-04:00

As I have posted on here before, I am working on losing some weight and getting back in shape in 2009. As of this morning, I have lost 16.4 lbs. Wow! Even though it's taken 8 months, I'm confident that those are lbs. that'll be gone for good, as I have finally learned how to take them off the right way, by cutting back, making changes, saying 'no' to myself and others and trying to exercise as much as my hectic life will allow. I have to say that I'm pretty proud of myself and am now wearing a skirt that a few months ago, I couldn't even button. Some of my 'pre-preggo' clothes are still too tight, but that's mostly due to the nasty effects of having a c-section! I don't think that part of my body will ever be the same...

Anywho ~ as proud as I am, I still have a long ways to go. I'm about 7 lbs. away from my pre-preggo weight, a goal I was hoping reach by the start of football season, well at least the 1st home game in Athens, which is two weeks away. That might sound reasonable, but since it's taken me 8 months to lose 16, I doubt 7 are going to fall off in that amount of time.

Should I just say 'oh well' and be happy with where I'm at? Probably. Am I? Of course not. Someone has burned in my brain to 'not settle' for anything, which is prety much ingrained in my character over the past 30 years. So, I'm not going to settle. I have become kind of complacent the past two weeks, eating whatever and not making working out a priority. But that's going to change, starting today. Today, I am going to commit to healthy eating, cutting out all nessessary sugars (read: no more starburst jellybeans and sweet tea), all fried stuff (read: mcdonald's and mexican), and get serious about working out. I now have a pilates reformer machine that I had been coveting for awhile, so I'm going to commit to doing that at least 5x a week for the next two weeks. I have an outfit for the first game in athens that is super cute. It looks okay on me, but I sure would be more comfortable with a little less flab and a lot more fab!

It's time to get pumped up! Athens is right around the corner!!!! :)

Welcome Baby Erin Elise...

2009-08-18T10:44:00.003-04:00

I found out a dear ex-boyfriend of mine was blessed with a baby girl yesterday! She is so beautiful and finally has a name ~ Erin Elise Dumas! Even with all of our history, I could not be any happier or excited for them both. A long while ago, I took a leap of faith and decided to follow God's plan instead of my own. Trusting Him was hard, but in the end it looks like He led us both down a path that was just perfect for each of us. Now we both have living proof of the rewards that come from following Him and we will be able to raise our children in the same community in friendship. It seems that the big man really knew what he was doing after all! :)

Congratulations again to Walter and Lauren! May you know all the joys, the struggles, and the consuming love that comes from the endless source as you watch your little girl grow.

Show Me The Money!!

2009-08-14T07:50:00.002-04:00

After five weeks of unemployment pay and having hubs out of work, I just checked our account and hallelujah! We have $2,500 in there!!!! Nevermind that it's Friday and we both got paid and we have about a month's worth of bills to pay, so it won't stay that way for long. For now, I'm doing the money dance and enjoying the next 30 sec. before I start paying those bills!

I'll leave you with this little piece of funny!

HAPPY FRIDAY!

The Incident at the Church....

2009-08-03T13:33:00.003-04:00

You know those 'get-to-know-your-neighbor questions' you are always asked when you are in some sort of group participation event, like "What do you do for a living?" or "What is your most embarrassing moment?" Well, I now have a good answer for that last one...

We had to drive 8 hours round-trip yesterday to Hubs' uncle's funeral in South Georgia. It was a sad day, but we were celebrating Uncle Mickey's life which made it a little more raucous because, well..he was that kind of man. Uncle Mickey was the kind of person who really lived, and everyone had a story to prove it. So, while he is gone, he not only lives in our hearts, but also in our stories as we remember how he impacted each one of us personally.

All things considered (8 hour car ride, house full of strangers, quiet church service, graveside service in the rainy, south georgia heat), Rhett did surprisingly well. He has taken off walking, so he enjoyed exploring his surroundings and new environment and even did well meeting new people. Yep, he did really well...except for the incident at the church.

The incident at the church began we got stuck in the middle of the 3rd row pew at the First Baptist Church of Tifton. I whispered to hubs that I would like to sit on the end so I could get up and leave if necessary, so how we ended up in the middle is a mystery. Rhett was doing well, eating his goldfish and listening to the music, when I felt him go to the bathroom in his diaper. I was hoping that the service wouldn't take much longer b/c I didn't want everyone to notice the unpleasant smell, which was really, really strong. After he shifted around, I finally realized why the smell was burning my nose hairs ~ because the poop was sitting right there on my dress!!!!!! Not only was it on my dress, but it was on his clothes, legs, feet and had also worked it's way on his hands. OMG!!!!!!!! I thought I would die. Literally. They might as well of got me a casket right beside Uncle Mickey's.

I couldn't get out of that church fast enough! Of course, there was a rather large woman at the end of the aisle, so everyone on the pew had to get up to let us out (did I mention that we were stuck in the middle?!?!). The whole time I ran down that aisle, I was asking Jesus to please let that poop stay attached to my dress instead of falling in the middle of the aisle of the church!

Thankfully, I found the nursery where I was able to clean us up the best I could. The whole time I was scrubbing out the poop, I was thinking of Uncle Mickey. I just knew he would've gotten a kick out of that scenario and I could hear him now saying, "When the boy's gotta go, he's got to go!"

You know, even though Rhett will never know his great-great Uncle, he will have a 'Mickey story' of his own to tell, proving that even when we are gone from this life, we have the ability to impact the lives of others.

So, this one's for you, Uncle Mickey. May you have a good laugh with the angels today and be sure to thank Jesus for me ~ I made it out of the church without losing any of the poop.

Hallelujah!

I ♥ Faces and I ♥ My Mom...

2009-07-28T10:35:00.005-04:00

This week, I'm entering the I ♥ Faces contest for the first time, since I got some awesome shots of Rhett at the beach! I love this picture because it captures his awe of seeing the ocean for the first time. It was sunset on Kiawah Island, S.C. and the setting couldn't have been more perfect. Even if I don't win, I will have enjoyed showing off my handsome little man!

Moving on to why I ♥ my mom. Other than the fact that she gave birth to me and she's always been there for me as an encourager, a challenger, and a friend. Yesterday I loved her the most because when I called to ask her if Rhett could stay over last night, she didn't hesitate to say yes. You see, I have a REALLY hard time asking people for help. In elementary school, I failed a test because I didn't want to ask if I could borrow a pencil. This bad trait has mostly reared its head where Rhett is concerned. I guess I believe that he is my child and therefore, my responsibility, so I should be the one to take care of him. But, I am not Superwoman. Let me say that again for my own benefit...I am not Superwoman. I cannot do all things and be all things to everyone. Sometimes I just give out and I can't go anymore. Which is exactly what happened yesterday.

Last week, we went to Kiawah for a little family getaway. Which would have been relaxing, if we didn't have a 15 month old on our hands. We enjoyed the three day trip, but it was a worldwind. We got back on Friday and then I had to go shopping on Saturday to buy a birthday gift and then had dinner with my parents Saturday night. Sunday a.m. brought church, the grocery store and the above mentioned birthday party for our friends' little boy. I collapsed in the bed @ 10:30 Sunday night. The only thing I could think about was that I would be up again in 2 hours when Rhett decided he couldn't possibly live without me, which he did three times.

Monday a.m. hit me like a truck, but up and off to work I went. That afternoon, I drove a hour one way for meetings all afternoon, not getting home until 6 p.m. When I walked in the door, I changed clothes and got ready to go get Rhett from my parents, since he had been there since about 9 that morning. Branden encouraged me to sit down and relax for a minute. I did as I was told, laying down and putting my feet up. Once I got in that position, I felt like I couldn't move. The thought of getting up to go get Rhett and doing dinner, bath and nighttime with him brought literal tears to my eyes. Branden asked me what was wrong, and all I could say is 'I'm just too tired.' So, he suggested letting Rhett spend the night at my parents so I could get some rest. The thought of that didn't make me happy. Not because I didn't want him to stay, but because I didn't want to ask. It took Branden about 15 minutes of coaxing and putting dinner on the stove for me to pick up the phone. I don't think my mom could hear the tears in my voice, but she could probably picture the look on my face. Although the call took her off guard and she had already had him all day long, she said it was fine and only asked me to bring some p.j.'s.

I tried to reason that Rhett could come home and Branden could just take care of him. But, Branden knew that even if he had taken care of Rhett all night long, I wouldn't be able to relax, since I am his (Rhett's)favorite playmate and taker-carer. He was really great in taking care of me though...cooking dinner, taking the p.j.'s over, and cleaning the kitchen. I took an hour long bath, reading 'Breaking Dawn,' turned off the monitor, and was in bed by 9 p.m. I slept soundly until 6 a.m. and woke up refreshed and able to function for the rest of the week.

I know it wasn't easy on mama. She had him for almost 24 hours straight, with no advanced notice. While he has spent the night with them before, it was always been because I was out of town. In 15 months, I haven't had an entire night off, sleeping through the night in my own bed, without the monitor buzzing in my ear. It was a little piece of heaven which I am so grateful for.

So, mom ~ if you're reading this...thank you. You don't know how much last night meant to me. Rhett is so blessed to call you his 'CeeCee' as I am to call you 'Mama'.

Nostalgia and all that good stuff....

2009-07-16T08:37:00.002-04:00

I swear I wish I could post more, but by the time I think of something to write about ~ it takes me about two weeks to find the time to sit down and hash it out! Things here are good, but it's actually been a pretty busy summer ~ first I had to travel for work, then a week at the lake with the fam, and then Rhett's been sick & CRANKY for about a week. Next week, we're going to the coast of S.C. for a few days and then it'll be almost time for hubs to go back to work! Yah! He's been trying to enjoy his month off, but it's hard for a workaholic like him. His day consists of getting up @ 7ish, drinking coffee, reading paper, FB and TV until about 10. Then he drives around for a little while, has some lunch, takes a nap and goes to the gym at 2. Every day. Life is so rough some times....

Anyway ~ I've titled this post about nostalgia because that's what a couple of days at the lake always does to me. My family has been going to the same campground at the same lake for about 100 years. Ever since my dad was a little boy, the Wells family has packed up the house and took their summer vacation at Clark Hill for eating, swimming, boating and...more eating. Last year was the first year I hadn't gone to the lake in my 29 years of existence. That's what having a newborn does to you.

Now we stay in cabins, which have been the exact same since...well probably for about 100 years. Two bedrooms, one bathroom, wood paneling, about 800 sq. ft and sometimes as many as 15 people. We have always traveled with my grandparents and my aunt, uncle and their three kids and whatever friends have come along. Clark Hill is what it is. You always know what you're gonna get and you always know what to expect. We have the same meals on the same days each year. We have the same bedrooms, play the same card games, and hear the same stories over and over again. Did you hear the one about the 'Mount Pilot Girls?" Or 'Take me to the tire?' or what about 'Beat It' and the time my mom got locked out of the cabin with a screaming baby in the middle of the night? Oh ~ you haven't heard those stories? Well, I have...about 100 times. That water, those pine trees, and those rolling hills all hold the memories of my summers growing up. It's where I learned to swim, tried to ski, fell in love, fell out of love, and learned a painful lesson of growing up and moving on. When I go back there, I am mezmorized by the memories of summers past where what started out as a summer romance turned into much more. Those times at the lake where right out of a Kenny Chesney song and no matter how bad things got, once we were back at the lake, all was right with the world.

It's easy for me to slip into nostalgia's warm embrace and only remember the good times ~ that's the campground where we spent every weekend together. The cove in the middle is where we jetskied and the one in the back is where we skinny dipped (mom ~ ignore that line!) Those trees held the hammock where we napped and there's where we hung out at night, building fires, sneaking drinks of boone's farm strawberry hill and listening to lynard skynard, the allman brothers, and conway twitty. Around every corner is another memory.

Nostalgia is such a powerful force whose rose tinted glasses cover the ugly truth with warm fuzzies tied up in a pretty ribbon. In reality, the relationship that started out as a summer romance lasted about five years too long. As we both have grown up and moved on, I know that we are right were we should be. I wouldn't trade my life now for anything in the world and I'm looking forward to making new memories with the hubs and the kid as he grows up. Who knows, maybe he'll have a Clark Hill summer romance of his own! After all, everyone needs to experience that magic. Let's just hope it's not with the ex'es little girl. That would just be weird! :)

I Want It...Now!

2009-06-21T22:11:00.003-04:00

It's been forever and a day since I blogged about anything. I guess I haven't been very inspired lately. Not to worry though...I've had something brewing in my head for awhile now, so I get to share it here b/c afterall...it is MY blog!

For those that do not know, my husband is being temporarily laid off for five weeks. This will be his last week of work until the first of August. For those of you that know my hubbie, you will not be surprised when I write about him driving me up a wall in a couple of weeks! It will be interesting to see how he handles having so much time on his hands. I better start making a list of projects to keep him busy! :)

Me, on the other hand, well ~ I have my own list in the works. This list is all of the things I don't just want...but I feel like I NEED! In this crazy head of mine, I have come up with all of these things that I feel like I can't live without. I know a shrink would probably say all of this coveting is because I'm fearful of being 'without' in the short term, so I want to fill my closet, my home and my life with a bunch of stuff! In an effort to knock a little sense into this head of mine, I decided to make a list of all the things I'm obsessing over in an effort to let it go. Ready? Here it goes:

1. Prescription Sunglasses ~ why do I feel I need these? I just got some new regular glasses that I wear when I drive. But, it's always so bright out, that I need my shades, but I also need my glasses to see. To solve this quandry would set me back @ $350. The verdict...it can wait. I've been driving without my regular glasses for like four years, so a few months won't be a big deal, really.

2. Clothes ~ Not only am I bored with the clothes that I have, but I 'NEED' some new things for vacation. Plus, I am a weird, 'out of maternity, not quite into my pre-preggo' size, so nothing fits well. In actuality, we are only going to the lake for 3 days, where I'll live in tanks, shorts and flip flops. Plus, I'm working out like crazy, so I'm bound to be back in my old clothes before long. The only real need in this category would be for a new swimsuit, b/c no one really wants to see all of that!

3. A Pilates Reformer machine ~ this is my latest obsession. My neighbor was telling me how her reformer machine has changed her life and she has the arms, abs and butt to prove it! I felt myself getting excited just thinking of the possibility of being that in shape again...without having to go to the gym. What is the cost of this? $300 on QVC. The problem is this: I had an elliptical machine once at home...it got used like a total of 10 times. So, would I use this machine? Probably not. What I love about this is that it has gotten me to think about the 'possibility' of being slim instead of doubting that I could ever do it.

4. A Wii. I think we could use one of these b/c I could do Wii Fit and it would give Branden something to do when he's bored at home for five weeks. The cost for this $250 + accessories. In reality, I would probably never do it (see above) AND my parents have a Wii at their house that we've never played...not even once.

5. A new purse ~ or a new vera bradley tote ~ or both. My bestie, Abby is reading this and laughing b/c she knows that I got THREE purses for Christmas this past year and it's only six months down the road and I'm ready for a new one! I love bags...any kind. In particular ~ I love this yellow bag hanging in the window of a store that I pass every day on my way to and from the office. And the Vera tote ~ I love the Hope Garden pattern and could use on of those to take stuff to and from work...and everywhere else. I just love that bag! In actuality, those things can wait too. I've already got like 30 bags that will work just fine.

There are other things I could list, like a quality knife set, front and back porch furniture, shutters, etc. But, those don't occupy my time as much...for now anyway. I know that irregardless of what I WANT, I can't have any of that stuff right now b/c I don't know what July will bring.

I'm sure that although things will be tight, we will be fine financially. After all, it's not having what you want, but wanting what you have. We might not have awesome workout equipment, new clothes or costa del mar's, but we'll have what matters most...time as a family to hang out and enjoy the summer together. Lots and lots of time. Here's hoping the crazies don't make an appearance. Stay tuned and I'll keep you updated! :)

A little late in coming....

2009-05-20T09:34:00.006-04:00

This may be a little late in coming, but I thought I would post some pics on the 'Mother's Day' gifts that I came up with for our mommies on their special day. I stressed about this, because a) I wanted to do something special/thoughtful for the both of them b/c they do so much for us and b) I needed something inexpensive because money is not growing on trees at our house. I saw an awesome flower arrangement while I was traveling in Columbus that seemed so simple even I could do it, which inspired me to do this:

This little project consisted of a nice, thick and inexpensive vase at Wal-Mart that is about 4" tall, some river rock and a gerber daisy. Put it all together and what do you got? A simple, elegant and easy gift. As of yesterday, the gerbers are still living which makes me even happier. I paired each with a special photo book of pictures of their grandson, hand tied with chocolate organza ribbon and a sweet card letting them know how much we appreciate them. All in all, each gift total costs about $15 (vases, river rocks, flowers, cardstock, and ribbon) and a little bit of time to put together the books on photoshop. The end result = priceless!

(oh ~ the fact that each flower matched each book cover...that's just a little something I like to call 'perfection!')

Life Lesson #3 ~ People Will Never Change...

2009-05-10T22:17:00.007-04:00

After I wrote the first one of these things, my mom asked me where it came from and why I decided to write on that particular subject. There might be some things going on in my life that prompt me to think on these things, but for the most part ~ I get these ideas in my head and cannot rest until I get them out on paper (or keyboard...or whatever). Tonight is one of those nights. I don't know why I got to thinking about this subject, but it does go hand in hand with the judgement and expectations posts...

Life Lesson #3 then, is to accept that people are not going to change, so you might as well stop trying so hard. You see, we are all inherently born with our personality, our ticks, our habits, our faults and our successes. We are naturally good at some things and bad at others. We are who we are, as God created us and for the most part, we will stay that way for our entire lives. We can try to be different, but even with much effort and sustainability, usually those attempts to be someone that we aren't fail. Me, for example ~ I am not athletic. I have never been athletic. I hate to get hot and I hate to sweat and I am extremely uncoordinated. Those are a few things that aren't very conducive to athleticism. When I was young, I sat down in the outfield during my softball games, making bracelets out of grass. I didn't learn how to ride my bike until I was seven and I still can't serve a volleyball facing forwards. My husband is a workout freak (and I mean that affectionately, of course.) He would live at the gym if I let him and he is extremely careful about what he eats. When I get on the gym-kick and I actually try to go a few times a week, his entire face lights up when I walk into the workout room. I'm sure he would love for me to love working out, just like him. But, I just don't have it in me. I mean, have I mentioned how much I hate working out?!? So, he has learned to accept that is not something that I am going to change...much like I have about his insane use of ketchup (and the other 100 things that drive me crazy), but that's for a later post.

It's funny to me when I talk to my grandparents, all of which are in their late 70's and have been married over 50 years. My grandmother still complains about how much my grandfather sits in his chair, something he has done for my entire life. My other grandmother doesn't understand why her hubby doesn't enjoy going to the movies or going shopping with her, two things I have never actually witnessed him doing. 55 years and these women are still wondering why their husbands act a certain why and have been trying to change them to be who they want them to be instead of accepting them for who they really are. I have also witnessed this in other ways, as couples who go through struggles seem to only focus on the faults of each other and expect them to change behaviors that they have had for their entire lives. It's just not going to happen. Instead of focusing on the negative in others that we want to change, we should work on accepting them as they are and working them into our own lives.

In this world, there are few people who will actually accept you for who you really are and not want you to change to fit their standards. In my own life, I really have only had a couple of people who have accepted me completely and loved me just for who I was without putting any expectations or standards on me. These people are my truest friends and the ones that have known me the deepest and have loved me anyway. Those relationships are rare and hard to find.

For the most part, we are always trying to change others to fit in with our own standards and to fit with our own lives. What we need to do is accept them for who they are and show them true love. After all, All we need is love, right? That's what I thought...

Home Sweet Home...

2009-05-08T07:11:00.003-04:00

I've been out of town most of this week, so I am just getting caught up on my emails, FB, and bloggers. My trip was to the big city of Columbus, GA, which was about a 4 1/2 hour drive with my boss. We were supposed to be going to help with a fundraiser for our JA office over there, but when we got there, the girl in the office didn't have anything done like she was supposed to. So, who got the job done? Me, of course. While I was more than annoyed with her, I really do enjoy putting together events, so it wasn't terrible. The night went off without a hitch and I actually got to sit down and enjoy my dinner, for the first time at one of these things. After it's all said and done, I just love watching it all come together and know that I made it happen and that it was a success. While so many were complimentary of the evening, including my boss and our president, I get much more satisfaction internally, knowing that I did the best I could and all turned out well.

I think all faired well on the homefront and I'm so grateful that my mom and mother-in-law helped out with Rhett an I didn't have to worry about his well-being. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful and supportive family. While I certainly enjoyed the DoubleTree in Columbus and got to know the manager of Houlihan's on a first name basis, I am so happy to be home sweet home! We have Mother's Day celebrations this weekend and I have some cute ideas for gifts...so I'll post later on how those turn out. Happy Friday and Happer Mother's Day to all of you WonderWomen out there! :)

Life Lesson #2

2009-04-30T07:55:00.002-04:00

I have posted more blogs this week than I have in the past 3 months! I don't know what's gotten into me. I guess things have slowed down a little, so my mind is free to wonder again. Better watch out!

This post is #2 in my new series, Life Lessons (see #1 for the explanation) and it kind of goes along with the first one on disappointment. So, Life Lesson #2 is............

'Judge Not, Lest You Be Judged'

I promise not all the lessons will be this 'heavy,' but writing about expectations that can lead to disappointment got me to thinking about judgement and how many of us (myself included) spend alot of time and energy judging others. Now, I know what you are saying..."Emilee ~ not me! I certainly do not judge anyone." Oh yeah? Really? Well, let me give you a few scenarios and you tell me whether you've ever had these same thoughts...

~When you see a rather large person eating a big meal, do you ever think "doesn't she know that he shouldn't be eating that? Why isn't she having a salad and a diet coke?"

~When you encounter a mom with lots of screaming children in Wal-Mart, have you ever said to yourself, "why did she have so many children if she can't control them?"

~Have you ever seen someone from your church out having a drink or buying a bottle of wine and thought, "what is he doing? he isn't supposed to be DRINKING! He must not be the Christian I thought him to be."

~Have you ever known a man that cheated on his wife or known a wife who stayed with her husband after he cheated multiple times? I bet you thought, "I would NEVER do that. She must be weak or he must have a problem."

Well, if you have found yourself in any of these situations, then you, my friend, are a judger. The problem with judging is that you are expecting (remember the word 'expectations') others to behave, think and act just like you do. You are holding others to your own standards, instead of trying to understand their position. You never know why the fat person eats, the mom continues to have multiple children, the Christian drinks, the man cheats or the wife stays. You don't know their situations, their backgrounds, or their personal beliefs and you don't really care to know. You just want them to behave, act and think just like you.

It takes all kinds of people to make the world go round and just because you believe a certain way, doesn't necessarily mean it is the 'right' way or even the 'only' way. I wouldn't want someone judging me for my behavior or actions, although it has happened many times. And, I have judged others ~ too many times. There is only one judge, so maybe we should leave the judging to Him and try to understand the other person a little more and expect them to be just like us a little less.

And, that is your Life Lesson #2!

Life Lessons...

2009-04-29T21:22:00.004-04:00

I've been thinking of starting a new series of posts called 'Life Lessons.' This would be when I share with you a certain lesson that I've learned throughout my long 29 year life...in hopes of encouraging you, or at the very least ~ keeping you from making some dumb mistake like I have. Got it?!?! Good!

So...here it goes ~ Life Lesson #1:

People are going to disappoint you....let you down...not do as you expect them to...fail to live up to your standards. You see, I know a little something about high standards. Throughout my life, the standards that I set for myself were so high, you'd need to catch a jet plane to find them. I had to get the perfect grades, had to have the perfect hair, and had to be the 'best' at everything I did. I am still like that to some degree, yet I don't feel that I am a 'perfectionist,' in the sense that I need everything in order...because I certainly don't. I do feel that I am a 'perfectionist' in that I need to do the best in all that I do. I have that internal drive that does not push me to be competitive with others, but only with myself. Okay ~ enough analyzing me and back to life lesson #1!

By maintaining these high standards for myself, it has caused me to create pretty high standards for those around me. There is a quote that says, ""Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed" - Alexander Pope. When you expect nothing, then you can't be disappointed. I can't seem to get that through my thick skull though, so I continue to build up false expectations for myself and for those around me, and then get disappointed when I fail or when they let me down. It's a vicious cycle, let me tell ya!

It seems that sometimes this happens to those that I love the most, from my family, to past friends, and past boyfriends. Through many trials and many errors, I have learned that no one, including me, will ever live up to my expectations because no one (well there's this one guy), is perfect. We will always be disappointed with ourselves and with others because we are not able to live up to perfection and we all have free will, so we are able to make our own choices, and sometimes our own choices will cause others to be disappointed in us.

The only one who will never disappoint us will be Jesus, because he did live the perfect life and was free from sin. He will never let you down and he will always be there for you, even if it is in ways that you didn't expect or plan for. So, the lesson to learn is to a) cut yourself and others some slack and bring down those expections a little and b) remember that even when other disappoint you, Jesus will never do so, so put your faith and trust in Him and not in man.

And, that my friends, is your first of many Life Lessons to come!

How To Do a One-Year-Old Birthday!

2009-04-28T10:13:00.013-04:00

So, I know you all have been hanging on the edge of your seats wondering about how the first birthday party went on Saturday, right? Right?!?! Well, let me not disappoint you by giving you a full recap of the day, including pictures. Because I wouldn't be me if I didn't take every opportunity to post some pictures of my wonderful son!

I thought that the planning of the party was going to be minimal. I mean, after you do a 500 person, $250 a plate, black tie affair, a one-year-old party is a piece of cake, right? Hmmmmm....let me get back to you on that. After we broke our backs and our bank account trying to get the yard spruced up, there was still planning, shopping and cleaning to do, which mostly fell to me. So, I planned, shopped and cleaned until I was exhausted. At midnight Friday night, I had the house spotless, the food and favors bought, and the timeline going for in the morning. The only thing left to do was download the existing pictures and videos from the cameras, get them charged, get me showered and in the bed. That's when it happened. In an effort to download the videos from the camcorder, I accidently hit that teeny-tiny button...you know the one that automatically deletes all the videos without asking you if that's what you really want to do? In an instant, every second of my son's recorded first year of life vanished. Into thin air. Without even asking me. His first newborn days, when he learned to roll over, Christmas, pulling up, crawling and his baby dedication. All gone. Now, I know you are asking me, "Emilee, why hadn't you already downloaded those videos before midnight on the night before the party?" Hello...you might refer to my previous procrastination post. SO, anyway ~ all of the videos were gone. But, whatever ~ it was midnight and at least it was clear so I could get the party on there.

So, Saturday a.m. came and we got busy setting up tables, getting food ready, and balloons up. Good thing I had my handy-dandy timeline done because everything ran like clockwork. Rhett went down for a nap at 10:30 and got up just in time to get dressed and greet the guests, like my grandparents who arrive an hour early everywhere they go.

I was nervous about having enough activities to entertain the kids, but we ended up not having as many little ones as I thought, so it wasn't too much of a problem. My best friend, Abby, who lives outside of Atlanta, sent us a blowup pool and a bunch of balls, which was the big hit of the day.

The menu was hotdogs, hamburgers, the fixins (which I managed to leave in the fridge, only to discover after the party), potato salad, potatoes and onions, chips and sausage dip, which was awesome. For dessert, we had a 'decorate your own cupcake' station, with vanilla and chocolate cupcakes. Guests could choose from toppings like nerds, sour worms, whoppers, all kinds of sprinkles, chocolate, white chocolate or peanut butter chips, and chopped nuts. This was a big hit with the kids and adults alike.

After eating, we gave Rhett his cake that his CeeCee made for him. Much to my surprise (and his daddy's enjoyment), he didn't want anything to do with it. That is, until Branden accidently mashed his face down into it! Too bad I didn't get that with the camera, but it's on video! That is a memory to last a lifetime.

We got him cleaned up and then opened gifts, his favorite of which was the red wagon my grandparents got him. Man, he loves to ride in that thing! The cutest part of the entire day was when Evan, our friends' Jody and Ashley's 21 month old, decided he wanted to pull Rhett in the wagon. Priceless!

After all the hoopla was over, Rhett was pretty cranky ~ so we decided the best thing to do would be to....cut his hair. This was not my idea, but I'm pretty sure my husband was going to divorce me and my granddaddy might write me out of the will if we didn't cut his hair soon. So, my aunt brought her scissors and she got to work. He wasn't a big fan of hers, to say the least. At one point, he started waving 'bye-bye' to her because he wanted her to leave. But, it got done and I have to say ~ he's still a cutie! But, he sure does look more grown up.

All in all, it was a great party! We spent his actual birthday together on Monday, with a trip to Zaxby's and Wal-Mart, a couple of hundred spins in the red wagon and a few dunks in the pool. Oh ~ and I finished the book I've been glued to, so stay tuned for a book review coming shortly!

Happy Birthday!

2009-04-27T08:00:00.003-04:00

I cannot believe that my little baby ~ the one that I prayed for, tried so hard for, carried for nine months, gained 70 lbs. for, and had my stomach cut wide open for,is ONE today! Where did the time go?!? I still remember every detail of that pregnancy and delivery. I don't know if those memories ever fade, do they? I talk to women whose children are 50 years old and they can tell you everything about their pregnancies and deliveries.

This year has been unbelievable ~ so much has changed for us and for him. He has gone from a not-so-tiny, sleeping, eating, pooping newborn to an active, discovering toddler who never stops.Sometimes ~ when he's in the bed with me in the morning, or going down for a nap and snuggles close, closes his eyes and gets really still ~ my little newborn comes back to me and all is right with the world. While I loved and will always treasure that new baby stage, this toddler stage is so much fun. When he discovers how to throw a ball, learn a new word, or find joy in the smallest thing, we discover, learn and find joy right along with him. In many ways, I have learned how to appreciate the small stuff in life all over again and it's awesome.

I look forward to the next year or growing and discovering too. For now, I will cherish where we've been and enjoy right where we are. I'll leave you with the past year in review (I'll post some pics from the party in a seperate post), which was a blast! (Because showing pics of my little boy is my favorite thing to do!). Enjoy!

Mary, Mary Quite Contrary...How Does Your Garden Grow?

2009-04-21T14:22:00.010-04:00

...with silver bells and cockle shells, or pretty maids all in a row.

Well, not so much. But, this weekend we planted some real seeds in the yard and also some seeds of faith in the heart of our little boy. We got our garden going this weekend, by planting all new flower beds around the house and yards, trying to get ready for Rhett's birthday party on Saturday. (I'll post somed updated planning info. on that later, so stay tuned). This weekend was one of the best ever, since the three of us spend Friday and Sat. in the yard, getting dirty and planting new life to spruce up our place...I mean, we've only been there three years!

(this is our side gate, leading into the back yard. It was previously just a big empty space. Below is our front porch, which had the jasmine, but didn't have anything special in the flower beds. Please ignore the white trash chairs on the front porch. They are from Halloween. Yes, I know we are slack ~ thanks).

(this is the bed in our back yard that is a work in progress. We are planting azalea bushes all around the trees and then will fill in with pine straw. The wire is supposed to keep Dixie out. Yeah, right!).

Saturday night, we left the little one with his grandparents and went downtown with some friends for a yummy dinner and catching up on the porch at Tubby's. It was kinda pricey, but we had a great time reconnecting with them and with each other. We both decided we need date nights more often.

We wrapped up the weekend with Rhett's Baby Dedication at the church where we stood up and declared our intention to raise him in the church and to know and love the Lord. I think it's pretty cool that as I watch those flowers and plants bloom and grow in my yard over the next years, I will also be reminded of that commitment we made and hopefully be able to see the fruits of the spirit bloom and grow in his life as well.

Overall, this weekend ranks as one of my favorites. After all of the trials and tribulations we've been through lately, it's good to be on the other side of it and to have some peace and calm in our lives, to enjoy life and each other, soaking up the Sun and the Son, and loving life!

Weekend Wrap-Up!

2009-04-13T12:18:00.004-04:00

This weekend was egg-stra special (don't you just love the corniness!) since it was Easter, plus my grandfather's 80th birthday. We were busy, busy, busy getting ready for the party at my mom's house with cleaning on Friday and cooking on Saturday, plus a little planting in the yard at our own house and getting peanut ready for easter! I wish we had taken more pictures, as I didn't get any at the party on Saturday. Rhett was a lot cranky, so I spent most of my time worrying about him. We had fantastic low country boil and birthday cakes under a breezy southern sky, followed by an Easter egg hunt for the kids. Because Rhett was so fussy, he got pushed around in the stroller by my aunt instead of hunting for eggs. :( Maybe next year!

Sunday brought Easter ~ my favorite holiday! I love it because we get to celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus, who proved that he is a living God, still as relevant today as he was all those years ago. It is because of Easter and the evidence of God's Grace, that we have hope for the future. I also love it because the weather is nice, all things are new (clothes included), the flowers are in bloom and families get together without all the stress and fuss of Christmas. My brother and his girlfriend were in town, so we went to church with them and then ate lunch at the local Mexican place (classy, I know!). I had to keep the nursery, so I didn't get all 'gussied' up. Here are some of our pictures:

Oh yeah ~ and the Easter Bunny came a hoppin' our way! Rhett must've been a very good boy b/c he got a basket full of goodies ~ including a 'Bunnytown' DVD, (which is long enough to hold his attention for me to do this post), his very first bible, which is beautifully illustrated, a new bunny named Hoppy and some yogurt melts, which were his favorite thing of all!

All in all, it was a great weekend and a great first Easter for Rhett. I hope to pick up some heavily discounted Easter decorations this week, so I can get those more 'Eastery' next year! Stay tuned to see what I find! Have a great week! :)

His Grace Is Enough...

2009-04-07T10:41:00.006-04:00

Today is my dad's birthday! He is 54 years young and while I have always cherished my relationship with him ~ the past four years have been exceptionally sweet. You see, this time four years ago, he was lying in St. Joseph's ICU ~ recovering from major surgery and getting ready for the fight of his life. See the details below...

This time of year is always bittersweet for me. As the temps get warmer (well, except for this week, which is weird!) and Spring is in full bloom, I am drawn back to a time in my life that is not quite so bright and cheery, but instead is dark, scary and full of sadness. It was during this season four years ago that we almost lost my dad, an event that started my family out on a journey that has led us to where we are today.

We were celebrating my mom's and brother's birthday at Longhorn's for dinner and I noticed that my dad's eyes and the back of his neck were yellowed. I asked him about it, but he said he was tired and didnt' feel all that well. This is a man who was working almost 80 hours a week, so I figured he deserved it and I should leave well enough alone. Soon after, he developed a nagging cough that kept getting worse and worse. Finally, my mom and I decided to take him to the emergency room on a Sunday morning. When they admitted him, his O2 levels were at less than 20%, so low that the nurse thought the machine was broken. They immediately got him into ICU, where he was diagnosed with pneumonia and congestive heart failure. Over the course of a week, they pumped off over 30 lbs. of fluid from his body ~ finally a reason for all that weight gain! Later, daddy would tell us that he could hear 'swishing noises' when he walked around but didn't "really think it was serious." lol. While doing a routine chest x-ray, the doctors found a growth on his rib cage, that would eventually be diagnosed as a fast growing osteosarcoma tumor that ate completely through one of his ribs and was working on two more.

The days and nights at St. Joseph's blur together from there. Mom and I would leave at 6 a.m. to be at the hospital in time to catch the doctors. The day would continue in that dreaded waiting room, with 'chats' with the doctors and specialist in that little 'conference room,' each one bringing more bad news. It seemed that his days might be numbered. People would come and visit, pray for us and over us, bring us food and offer us comfort. But we were numb and overwhelmed with all of the new language that became a regular part of our vocabulary. From osteosarcoma, to platelet levels, to all the different meds...it was all overwhelming and scary.

Eventually, they did surgery here in Savannah to remove the tumor and the attached ribs, replacing that section of his ribcage with mesh chicken wire. My brother, Branden and I went to church on Easter Sunday. The musical was a special program dedicated to those who were hurting and struggling in their lives. I felt like I couldn't get to the alter fast enough. I fell at the feet of God and wept for the best man I had ever known. We were invited to several family's houses for Easter dinner, but none of us felt like socializing. Feeling like orphans, we celebrated Easter at El Potro's in Rincon and headed to the hospital. Eventually, dad left the hospital on his 50th birthday.

My best friend, Abby was also getting married that weekend, so with great fear, I left his bedside to stand beside her while she said 'I do.' The wedding was great and I very much enjoyed getting to 'cut loose' and try to forget everything that was going on back home. That break was short-lived as Branden and I returned home to discover that my parents decided to go to MD Anderson in Texas to be evaluated for the cancer treatment. It seemed my dad had a very rare type of bone cancer which the doctors here in Savannah had never treated before. So, on Memorial Day Weekend ~ off they went to be evaluated. None of us would realize that it would be six months before they would return. After being looked at by the Osteosarcoma Team at the best hospital in the country, it was decided that he would need to stay in Houston for treatments for at least six months. Oh ~ and they would want to start that Monday. In a state of shock, my mom and dad circled Houston ~ a city they had never even visited before, trying to find a place to live. My dad would be in the hospital for an entire week to receive treatments and be watched. Then he would be released to recover and then start the process over again two weeks later. They needed to find a place where my mom felt safe enough to stay on her own, that was close enough to the hospital and be something they could afford. God provided when a church called her on her cell and offered a small apartment that fit all of the criteria. We wept and celebrated.

In between being released from the hospital in Savannah and going to Texas, Branden and I decided to go ahead and get engaged. Many people in my life didn't really understand this decision...my mother included. But, I knew that my time with my dad might be limited. I couldn't imagine getting married without him there to walk me down the aisle. I also knew in my heart that he would need something to fight for...a goal for getting through this terrible tragedy. Walking me down the aisle ended up being the perfect thing. Branden and I had already been talking marriage, so it was natural to do it sooner than later. So, on May 5th ~ he proposed and I accepted. We waited to hear from the doctors about when my dad might be able to come home before we set a wedding date. They called to say that we could get married on October 1st. That suited Branden just fine since that was always UGA's open weekend, so our anniversary wouldn't ever fall on gameday. Hahaha.

The rest of the story is in the details. We went through times that were excrutiatingly lonely. My brother, Branden and I were running the home, paying the bills and cutting the grass while they fought to keep my dad alive. My mom and I planned the wedding through phone calls and emails and tried to make the best of a bad situation. We saw them once every couple of months as they got to come visit or we went there and we all tried to hang to the string that seemed to be slowly unraveling.

By the last week in Sept., I think we had all had enough. I called them panicked about the wedding on a Sunday night at 10 p.m. After that phone call, they made a brave decision to pack up and come home. It was just time. They drove all night and arrived home by mid-morning on a Monday. We were married on a beautiful Saturday a.m. and bald-headed and frail, my daddy was able to walk me down the aisle. Pastor Wesley announced that he didn't know what was a more beautiful sight, me as the bride, or him just being there. I like to think it was both us standing together, with tears in our eyes. As a matter of fact, as we walked through that church, I don't think there was a dry eye in the pews.

Against the wishes of his doctors, we all decided that it would be best for him to stay here. God provided some wonderful doctors here in Savannah, where he finished up treatments and is still continually monitored. There is always the fear that the cancer will return. But for today, we praise God for the total healing that he did in my dad's life then and continues to do now.

You see, I titled this post, "His Grace Is Enough" because it was through this experience that I learned the truth in that statement. Many times during that ordeal, God's grace was all that we had to hold onto. And, many times since then, He has proven himself over and again. You see, even if He hadn't healed my dad, His grace would have been enough in that situation as well. While I am thankful that He did, I know that no matter what, God has a plan for each of our lives...a plan that He will work out, irregardless of what we think, or feel, or act. And no matter what we do, He will choose to work all things out for good for those that love Him and called to His purposes. God only wants good for us...but it is up to Him to decide how we get there. And along the way, there will be trials and tribulations. We will be held to the fire, but we will not be burned. We will wonder in the desert, but will not be lost. We will hang on the cross, but we will not die ~ not spiritually anyway. Because we believe in Jesus and we trust in Him, His grace is the manna we will get for today.

When my parents were gone and it seemed to me that I was lost and wondering in the desert, I would listen to 'It Is Well With My Soul,' a version by Jennifer Knapp. That song ministered so much to my heart because it says exactly how I felt ~ that no matter I go through, it is well with my soul because my soul trusts in God. It is still one of my all-time favorite songs.

Whatever you are struggling with today, please know and be encouraged of God's grace and his plans for your life. He never gives up and he never grows weary. He is there for you, just as he was for me. Tonight, we are grilling steaks, roasting potatoes and celebrating my dad's life and the miracle that he is! On Saturday, we will have a family gathering to celebrate my granddad's 80th birthday. And Sunday, we will celebrate our Risen Christ, who death could not defeat and who will one day, be returning for those that believe in him.

God is good, isn't he? All the time...

First Birthday Plans....

2009-04-02T10:39:00.006-04:00

Since this is what has been consuming my thoughts lately, I thought I would share what is making me neurotic right now! Rhett's very 1st birthday is this month and it's time for me to start making plans! I have been putting this off until 'after the golf tournament (like everything else), but have decided to get busy with the party planning, which is one of my very favorite things to do.

Here are the plans so far. We are having a small gathering with family and friends on April 25th. It'll be an easy cookout with hotdogs and hamburgers and all the fixins. Instead of doing a 'birthday cake,' I want to do cupcakes since they will be easier for the little kids to eat. Plus, I want to setup a 'decorate your own cupcake' center (outside of course!) for the kids to keep them occupied! I have scheduled this from 12 p.m. til 'naptime', which will be good b/c it'll be between his a.m. and afternoon naps. I don't really have a 'theme', but if I had to label it, I would say it's 'dots and stripes.' This is what I have together so far...

Invites:
After ~~obsessing~~ looking at these for awhile, I decided to design my own. I just can't see paying $40 for something I can DIY. I mean, I have photoshop and a little graphic design experience, so what the hay. This is what I came up with:

I can print these on cardstock, cut them in half and I already the envelopes that fit. I am going to get some red ric-rac to put around the edges, so it should be really cute! I will post the finished product.

Attire:
I LOVE The Dizzy Dragonfly! I have ordered the CUTEST birthday hat from these wonderful ladies. The pattern will be blue and white striped, with a red #1, ric-rac, and pom poms on the top! Here is a sample of one:

I also have a matching shortall outfit that is made out of the same fabric with a cupcake embroidered on it. This was $30, but I think he can wear it all year, since he will be 'ONE' all year long. Here is a sample of that (this is the crab outfit, which I will definitely be getting for the summer)Imagine this with blue and white seersucker and a cute red, blue and yellow cupcake on the front:

For decorations, I will keep it simple with balloons, plates, napkins, etc. I am continually looking for cute decorating ideas, party favors and activities for the little ones. Also, I found a great idea to write a letter to your child on his/her first birthay. I will definitely be doing this. I will update you as I keep planning!

The Perks of Procrastination!

2009-03-31T14:38:00.003-04:00

Today I was supposed to be busy. Really busy. I had a golf tournament planned for tomorrow with 120 guys paying $250 to come play golf as a charity event for my job. It's one of my big projects for the year. I was supposed to stressed. Really stressed. But, God intervened with a 90% chance for thunderstorms tomorrow, so we ended up cancelling the tournament and rescheduling for June 3rd. The procrastinator in me LOVES this. Put it off ~ the longer the better. So, after making a few phone calls, I took the rest of the afternoon off. I mean, really ~ what's better than an unexpected free day?!?

I've been so consumed with work, that I have neglected other things in my life, which I need to get back to. To begin with ~ Weight Watchers. I have been off plan for a couple of weeks and have found myself slipping back into old habits. Like McDonald's, and Blizzards, and orange slices. Enough said. I also need to get back to budgeting and tracking our spending. Seems like there has been alot of that going on lately. I also need to get on the ball planning the month of April, which consists of two showers this weekend, Easter and my grandfathers 80th birthday party the next weekend, Rhett's baby dedication the following weekend and then his 1st birthday, which I really need to get busy planning. Whew ~ I am tired just thinking about it.

Good thing I have this free day to think about nothin'. Besides, why worry about tomorrow when I can enjoy today?!? lol...and you say procrastination like it's a bad thing...

My son...the bug eatin', massive poopin', shopliftin' CUTIE!

2009-03-30T15:53:00.002-04:00

http://www.dealio.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/old_navy.jpg

So, this weekend, in addition to developing a new palette for LIVE BUGS (see previous post), Rhett also decided to give shoplifting a try. My mom and I were shopping for some spring goodies and she had Rhett trying on hats for summer in Old Navy, while I was trying to find something cute that actually fit. I walked out with three pairs of pants and a couple of shirts for me and an adorable safari looking hat for Rhett. Mama was telling me how cute he was with the hats. In particular, he really liked this blue baseball cap, which must've reminded him of his daddy, because he kept saying, 'dada, dada, dada' over and over again, which was adorable.

We decide to leave the mall because the storm of the century was coming and we still needed to go to the hospital. Peanut was sleeping contently while we were trying to get him out of the stroller and into the carseat in the pouring rain. Then, when I folded up the stroller to stow it in the back, what did I find?!? You guessed it ~ the blue Old Navy baseball cap!! He lifted it from the store! Because it was pouring down rain and there were tornado warnings all around us, I saw no need in going back to Old Navy to give it back, so I guess I'll drag my embarrassed butt in there this week to explain what happened.

He's not even one! Hope this isn't a sign of things to come! :)

Enjoying the Moment...

2009-03-27T14:40:00.007-04:00

In the midst of all that is going on in this world, I have decided to take some time and just 'enjoy the moment' and spend some time with my little boy. This is difficult for me today because I have 120 men showing up to play in a JA golf tournament on Wed., which I am soley responsible for. So, needless to say, I have ALOT to do! But, today is about me and my little boy. I have managed to get some stuff done during naptime, but we have played together, watched The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, eaten lunch, drank some juice and gotten messy. It has been great and just what I needed..until the most disguisting thing happened...see below!

I love this little boy! He is filthy, but we have had a great time!

The pictures are grainy, b/c they were taken with my phone...but you can't miss that adorable smile!

Fun times!

Here is where the fun ends. My dad always told me, "It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt." Well, the 'someone' was me when I found this in my son's mouth...

That would be a now-dead beetle. Which was A~L~I~V~E when I found it in his mouth. Yep, you got it. I looked in his mouth to see what he put in it, and out crawled a beetle. DISGUSTING! I screamed so loudly that it made him cry. I felt badly...and sick to my stomach. So playtime was over, needless to say.

In other news...I look forward to a great weekend, free of sickness, having some fun with my boys and going shopping with my SIL. Oh ~ and eventually, I'll get around to that work! I wouldn't be me if I didn't wait until the last minute! <3 <3 <3

Crazy Times...

2009-03-25T22:08:00.002-04:00

These have been crazy times...not only around this house, but seems to be in a lot of families lately. For us personally, we have fought through bronchitis, the stomach flu and horrible sinus infections. Currently, we are dealing with a reoccuring rash and upset tummy with peanut. I have cleaned, sanitized and prayed over this house and still no relief. In the past two weeks, my paternal grandmother, who's 76, was hospitalized for double pneumonia and my maternal grandfather (80) was hospitalized for congestive heart failure and a busted blood vessel in his bladder (gross, I know!). My uncle's 'partner' has been diagnosed with an extremely rare condition that causes bile to back up into his bloodstream, which can be deadly and my cousin is dealing with having a cyst drained from her breast. I wonder if all of this happens out of coincidence or if there is a reason for it? I mean...I know God always has a reason for everything ~ but is it because everyone is just getting older and more stuff is happening or perhaps we are being tested? I don't know, but it is ALOT!

Our family friends (Jill Shuman, who takes those beautiful pictures of my little peanut!)have just been given the devestating news that her husband has been diagnosed with a carcanoid in his colon. He has been given a 50% survival rate. And MckMama almost lost her sweet Stellan today as his little heart was beating frantically for too long of a time.

All of this reminds me that we must remain on our knees, but it's hard to sometimes keep the faith when you are so weary. I know God has a plan and trust Him to be God and to do what He does. It is not my job to fix it for everyone ~ all I can do it pray faithfully, so that's what I will continue to do. Please remember us too...we can all use a little help from our friends, right?

Pray for Stellan!

2009-03-25T14:23:00.002-04:00

You can click on the above link to read all of McMama's postings, but basically, her little baby boy, Stellan, is in need of desperate prayers right now. His heart has gone into v-tach, which is a very deadly condition. His heart rate has been flying all over the place throughout the past 24 hours, but the doctor's always assured her that as long as he wasn't in v-tach, it was okay. Now, their worst fears are coming true. Please, Please pray hard for Stellan, McMama and their entire family.

Lucky Me!

2009-03-16T21:24:00.003-04:00

Instead of doing a 'Not Me!' post, I thought I would do a 'Lucky Me!' one, in honor of St. Patrick's Day! The moral of the story is to count my blessings, instead of getting caught up in the small stuff. Here it goes...

This week, I not only contracted the stomach flu but now also have a full blown sinus infection and laryngitis. But, the doctor loaded me up with antibiotics and cough meds with codeine..lucky me! The good news about going through the Master Cleanse ~ a.k.a. stomach flu ~ is that I actually lost about 5 lbs...lucky me! When I couldn't get out of bed to get munchkin out of his crib, my mother-in-law showed up at 6 a.m., packed him up and took him for the day...lucky me!

That same day, my mom called to say that they admitted my grandmother into the hospital with pneumonia. She is 76 years old and as sprightly as they come. Then, my grandfather was also at the doctor with dehydration and low blood, and was almost admitted as well. Then, to top it all off, my cousin went into pre-term labor at 6 months. Suddenly, the stomach flu didn't seem so bad ~ lucky me!

When I took munchkin to the doctor on Friday with a bad rash all over his body, it was not fifths disease like every old woman in the grocery store predicted, or chicken pox, but just an outward expression of his internal rash that can be treated with steroid creme ~ lucky me!

On Saturday, we had a wedding to go to. Instead of getting in the shower, shaving my legs and all the usual prep, I decided to take advantage of naptime and spend some QT with hubs instead. With only an hour to go, I whipped out the CHI, threw on some makeup, straightened my hair, and thanks to the stomach bug ~ slipped into some cute pants and heels just in time. Ended up looking fabulously pulled together in half the time...lucky me!

Sunday brought about more sickness ~ in the form of a horrible sinus infection, which turned into laryngitis. Hubs came to the rescue, taking munchkin on a boys day out to Lowe's, Lovett's and to his parents'. I have the best husband ever ~ lucky me! Later, my mom, MIL and a family friend threw a baby shower for a girl in our church. I spent the afternoon making punch, making bows, and making conversation with some wonderful ladies, reminding me how blessed I am to have such wonderful women as role models...lucky me!

Today, I walked the usual 2 miles from my parking deck to my office. Instead of keeping my head down (to not make eye contact with the tourist for fear that they'll ask for directions to Paula Deen's!), counting the steps and cursing my heels, I looked up and noticed the green oaks, budding dogwoods and blooming azaleas. I even smiled at the tourists...and then pointed the way to 'The Lady and Sons' ~ lucky me! :)

Book Review: The Doctor's Wife

2009-03-11T09:51:00.003-04:00

"The Doctor's Wife" by Elizabeth Brundage

Okay ~ this is my first book review, so go easy on me! I just read an amazing review that said everything that I would want to say and I came close to copying and pasting it here, but decided that I should put my own two cents in instead.

This is Elizabeth Brundage's debut novel and as a whole, it is a good read. It is suspenseful, engaging, controversial, relevant and the characters' are relatable in their flaws. I won't say that it will be my on my favorite's list, but it is a book that I won't soon forget.

At the center of the story are two couples ~ Dr. Michael Knowles and his wife Annie and Simon and Lydia Haas. Michael is a prominent OB/GYN doctor in upstate New York and Annie is a professor at a local college with a background in journalism. They have two children and as happens in marriages with children, careers and busy lives, they have drifted apart. Annie is already resentful of Michael's busy schedule when he decided to volunteer one day a week at the local abortion clinic. Her resentment and his 'sense of duty' only alienate the couple even more. Just as Annie is searching for an outlet for her frustrations, she meets Simon Haas, an has-been artist who also teaches at the college. He is smooth and charming, but instead of allowing him to be typecast into that roll, Brundage exposes his flaws through his marriage to his young wife, Lydia an unstable and almost childlike character who is the catalyst for all the drama that unfolds.

Without giving too much away, I will note that Brundage does a good job in dealing with the controversial subjects of adultery, abortion and emotional instability. She allows the characters to be real and exposes them for who they really are, letting their emotions drive their actions and set the stage for the consequences that follow. There is no good guy/bad guy here, only a sense of sadness that permeates the entire story as each character is trying to find fulfillment through their job, their partner or their beliefs.

The criticism I have for this story is that Brundage begins with the critical action and then goes back to explain how we got there. At times, the story can seem segmented with flashbacks intermingling with the present, leaving the reader sorting out the details. The other criticism I have, which is one of my biggest peeves with books, is that it seems that Brundage wrote this with the intention of making it into a movie. While this definitely could be a Hollywood blockbuster, I am annoyed when books are written for that purpose, instead of allowing them to be just what they are, stories in the readers' minds.

If it were a movie, I would give it four stars. As a novel, I give it 3 1/2. Well written, but disjointed at times, Brundage deals with controversial issues through the actions of her flawed characters in a way that creates suspense and drama, leaving the reader to sort through it for herself long after the last page is turned.

My AS IS house...

2009-03-06T22:39:00.011-05:00

I couldn't leave my friend Brandy, hanging, so I too decided to post some pics of my house, 'as is...' I would like to say that this isn't how my house always looks, but I would be lying b/c 99% of the time, this is what you get when you walk through my door. I am a messy person, as is the hubs, so between us ~ it is trouble! I wish I was more organized, but I'm not and I'm over it. Here it is...

This is our living room ~ I am highlighting the 'toy corner' which is kind of taking over the entire living area now. If you look closely on the side table, you will see not one but THREE glasses that hubs has used in one afternoon. This is completely normal at our house...

This is a bigger view of the same thing. Notice the blankets piled on the floor. Also completely normal in this house...

This is a picture of our fireplace that can't actually burn a fire. This stepladder has now been in this same place for over two weeks, waiting on hubs to hang a metal scrolly thing above the clock. As of today, the ladder was moved into our bedroom. Fabulous.

This would be our typical sink full of dirty dishes. We are currently out of dishwasher detergent, so I guess they will continue to pile...

This would be our dining room table. Which we never use...to eat on, that is! I do hope that will change one day and we will actually eat in the dining room. We just need to find another spot for all the 'junk.'

This would be my bathroom ~ a.k.a. the entertainment room for my son. This is where he hangs while I get ready, singing him silly songs and letting him play with my makeup brushes. The excersaucer is a gift from God...

Finally ~ a room I can be proud of! My newly organized and extremely clean office!!! I owe the success of this project to my mother-in-law who helped me get it cleaned out and organized! Now, if she could only help me with the rest...

(note ~ I did not post pictures of our bedroom or munchkins room b/c both of my boys are sleeping. But, from the looks of the rest of it, you probably get the idea!)

Oh, Ye of Little Faith...

2009-03-05T21:13:00.003-05:00

Sometimes, it is easy to say that we are 'trusting in the Lord.' When everything is going smoothly and life is rolling along, then trusting is effortless. It's like getting up to bat and having nothing but easy pitches thrown at you. You start hitting the ball, get some confidence and eventually, you are pretty sure you are going to make it to home plate. This is how life has been for us lately. We made a commitment to get out of debt and get control of our finances. Since we got a good amount of money back on our taxes and an insurance settlement check, we have paid off over $6,000 worth of outstanding bills, including paying off hubs' truck 3 months early. As we 'knocked each bill out of the park,' per say, we got more confident that we could see the end of the game when we were debt free. The anticipation of that date and to see the bills get knocked out has been the fuel that we have needed to stay on track. It has been easy to trust God with our finances because it has all worked accordingly.

When life starts throwing curveballs, however, then it's a whole new ball game. When those balls start coming at you and you can't follow a direct path or see where it's going to cross, it's hard to know when to swing. And when you do swing, it's even harder to actually hit the ball and not to strike out. What's even worse is having a coach standing on the sidelines, directing you to swing, even when you feel like it is a bad idea. It's hard to trust that coach when you don't understand the bigger picture or what he has in store for you.

We got thrown a curve ball today when my husband's company announced they would be laying off 1,200 employees this month and also forcing 1,500 employees to take an unpaid leave of absence for five weeks in July. Suddenly, we were the story that made the CBS evening news. This troubling state of our economy has finally hit home and has begun to affect us and those around us right here in our community. While hubs feels pretty secure in his position, he knows that he will be affected by the furlow in July. There are those, however, that won't be so lucky. Our neighbors and our friends will probably lose their jobs and will be affected in the worst way. And even though hubs is confident, it could even be us.

This is where TRUST comes in. When he called me today to give me the news, I felt a lurch in my stomach and immediately tensed up. I began thinking of our finances, how we would afford an entire month without income and about a backup plan should he lose his job. My head began to spin with all the possibilities and what if's. I immediately called our family and friends to let them know what was going on. Never once did I stop and pray. Never once did I think to seek counsel with the wisest man in the world, the man with the plan for our lives and the one who only wants good for us. Never once did I think that this might be an opportunity to put my faith to the test, by letting go and letting God take control of what seemed to be a desperate situation. Instead, I tried to control it on my own.

'Oh ye of little faith.' Jesus might as well of put 'Emilee' in place of 'ye' in that passage. It is easy to trust in the good times, but hard to let go in the difficult moments. It is in those times, the ones where we give up self-control of our situations, where we allow God to be God and get to watch Him work out his deity and his majesty right before our very eyes. When we let go, we let God...and he is awesome. So, we just need to trust Him more and lean on our own understanding less. Easy right?!? Ha....no one ever said letting go was easy ~ but it is definitely worth it! Now, if I can just take my own advice......

(the picture above is from http://annettesart-anni.blogspot.com/. She makes amazing art. Go to her blog and you can find her stuff on ebay!)

Weighty Issues...

2009-02-25T13:27:00.003-05:00

I have done it. I have finally lost my first 10 lbs. since starting Weight Watchers in November. While I am happy with finally losing 10, I still have about 40 left to go. Before I got pregnant, I was doing a 'medical' weight loss plan, which included taking amphetamine weight loss pills given to me by a local doctor. When I was doing that, the lbs. seemed to melt away. I didn't even really diet or excerise, I just naturally lost the weight, or so it seemed. I was extremely shaky and irritable,and hardly ever slept. But, at least I was losing weight, right? Then, when we had trouble getting preggo, I came off the meds ~ I mean, why try to lose weight when your going to be fat and pregnant for almost a year? So, the bulge came right back on. Just as my size 14 jeans were getting to hard to button, I got the 'double pink line'! I ran out and bought some maternity jeans and thought I surely had found love. They were amazing...a secret fit belly ~ no muffin top ~ eating all that I wanted and still being able to breath ~ Wow! What more could a girl ask for?!?

During my pregnancy, I was uber-sick and seemed to revert back to my childhood eating habits. Pop-Tarts for breakfast, pasta for lunch and pizza for dinner and as much ice cream as I wanted. Needless to say, my mom wasn't exactly a health nut, but was still the skinniest thing you've ever seen. Nothing was off limits and I enjoyed every second of 'eating for two,' as they say. I think I skipped right over the 'healthy pregnancy' diet in the 'What to Expect' book, and as my belly expanded, I blamed it on the baby.

Some of it was the baby ~ he came 10 days early at 10 lbs. and 3 oz. However, alot of it was me. I gained 70 lbs total with that child. 50 of which fell off pretty easily. I think alot of it was attributed to my massive amount of swelling. I could literally hear water sloshing around as I waddled. I was left with 20 lbs. of 'baby weight' and serious body issues from my c-section. When my maternity jeans started getting tight and people began asking if I was pregnant again a few months ago, I thought it might be time to do something.

Enter Weight Watchers. I have had a love/hate relationship with this plan for about five years. When I first did it in college, I was very successful. I lost about 30 lbs. with my roommate. Over the years, I've been up and down and have always returned to that dreaded room and the 'day of reckoning' with the scales. Each time, I have either given up or gotten sidetracked. I think sometimes, I sabatoge myself because of my failed attempts in the past, I don't really believe I can do it. Somewhere in my subconscious, I believe that because I'm going to fail anyway, why should I even try? Which is what led me to my binge yesterday.

I don't know why I even ended up in the drive-thru. I went to CVS to get a couple of things, and walked out with those gummy orange slices and a cadberry egg. THEN, I was like, 'hmm...I think I'll go to Zaxby's for lunch.' It wasn't a social thing, I wasn't meeting anyone and I wasn't even on the run. I was going to be at my house in about 10 minutes with a freezer full of 'SmartOnes' waiting on me. But, there I was ~ ordering fingers, fries and a large sweet tea for good measure. I couldn't even tell you how good it was (except the tea, which is my addiction!). I ate the entire meal before getting home. About an hour later, I had the cadberry egg and also 1/2 the bag of orange slices. My tummy hurt from all the food and so I drank more tea. Hubs wondered why I wasn't hungry for dinner, so I ended up apologizing to him about my binge, to which he replied, 'don't apologize to me. It's your body and your diet. Maybe you should apologize to yourself.'

It was just something I did without thinking...or maybe I did think. Maybe I did think about losing those 10 lbs. on Monday and then feel the need to undo it on Tuesday. Maybe I thought I 'deserved' it for losing the weight. Maybe I needed a reason to be down on myself and to beat myself up about later. Maybe I don't love myself enough to try or to care. Whatever the reason, I felt shame when I confessed to hubs and then standing naked in front of the mirror before showering. What is wrong with me? Why can't I let myself get ahead? Why can't I feel good about the 10 lbs. instead of thinking about the 40 that are left?

Maybe hubs is right...maybe I should apologize to myself. Maybe I should start to care and take pride in how far I've come. Maybe I should cut myself some slack. Maybe I should start believing in myself a little more and indulge a little less. Maybe I should prove myself wrong and actually succeed at this. Maybe, just maybe...if I could do all of that, I would not be wearing these maternity jeans as I scoop up my 10 month old son. Maybe....

Nope...Not Me!

2009-02-23T11:30:00.003-05:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This weekend, I certainly did NOT lay around all weekend feeling like death, I mean, nursing a cold, letting my 10 month old watch Baby Einstein on repeat, eating puffs and cheese in his highchair. I did NOT let my husband take peanut with him to the doctor on Friday so I could lay in bed and rest. I did NOT ask him what he did with peanut at the doctor's office, for fear that he set him on the floor and let him play (which by the way, he totally DID!). I did NOT use my blackberry to check my emails because I was too lazy to walk to the office to do my work. I did NOT let my phone go to voicemail when my boss called b/c I didn't feel like dealing with work. I did NOT spend too much money on my grandmother's birthday present b/c I went to a local boutique that was closest to home on the day of her party, because I did NOT want to drive all the way to town. I did NOT skip out on ice cream and cake because I felt badly and I did NOT put peanut down for bed without his bath Saturday night.

I did NOT skip church on Sunday and lie around watching Lifetime all day. I did NOT get up to brush my teeth and make some soup for lunch, which was NOT very good AT ALL. I did NOT call my parents to watch peanut so we could have a break and to my surprise, they declined because they, too, were sick. I also did NOT skip our Dave Ramsey class and sent my hubby solo because I did NOT refuse to change out of my p.j.'s all day.

Today, I did NOT just finish a board meeting at work and later, I will NOT drive over an hour to hang out with some high school students for a couple of hours. Then, I will NOT drive all the way to Rincon to weigh in at Weight Watchers. I am NOT only .6 lbs. away from losing 10 lbs. and I'm so NOT frustrated with it. I will NOT get home before 7 p.m., but thankfully my hubby will NOT have made dinner, so all I have to do it bath peanut and put him to bed. I will NOT take some more Nyquil tonight and I am NOT ready for this junk to be gone!

This is NOT my first NOT MONDAY! posting. I have NOT whined enough, so now I am out! :)

The Ex Factor

2009-02-19T21:13:00.002-05:00

I recently heard that my ex and his wife were expecting. Even though we are both married and I have a child of my own, it seemed that to find out he was going to have a baby was odd to me. The ex...I'll call him Bob...and I dated for almost five years, from our senior year in high school to our senior year in college. We did a long distance relationship the entire time. Whether it was the distance or the fact that we were just too different, it just didn't work out and we ended our relationship five years ago. It was very hard for me b/c I after we broke ties, I realized that I had lost myself in that relationship and I didn't even know who 'Emilee' really was. I took the next couple of years figuring out 'who' I really was and in the process, met an amazing guy who is now my husband.

I always regretted how Bob and I ended our relationship. It was a very tumultuous breakup, full of drama, tears and pain. He was a very big part of my life and I completely cut all ties with him, which at the time was completely necessary for me to move on. After we both got married, we actually live right around the corner from each other in a really small town. Yet, I have only seen him once in all of that time. Somehow, everything still seemed unsettled between us, causing any interactions that we did have (via email or through friends/family) to be really awkward.

When I found out that they were expecting, my initial feeling was that of happiness. I know he and his wife will both be wonderful parents and I am excited that they get to experience parenthood like we have. The second thing I felt was the need for closure on our past relationship. It's something we never really had, even though we both moved on and have very fulfilling lives. I always felt that there was a piece of me that was lost in that breakup and I wanted to be complete again. So, I took a brave step this week and reached out to Bob through an email to offer my congratulations on their pregnancy and to hopefully mend the hurts of the past so that we could establish some sort of 'friendly' relationship for the future. In all actually, our children will probably go to school together and be involved in the same activities, so some sense of civility would be good. Thankfully, his response to me was positive and it was good to catch up on each others' lives after all of these years. I was able to apologize about the way we ended things and now I feel much better about moving on and leaving the past where it belongs.

Out of all of that, I was most nervous about telling my hubby about the emails. I just knew he would question my motives and why I felt the need to reestablish that friendship. All day, I was so antsy to tell him, but I new I had to because I wanted to be honest with him. Imagine my surprise when he acted like it really was no big deal. He could've cared less, which makes me feel good to know that he trusts me and knows my heart well enough to know that this is something that I needed to do for me.

I definitely am glad that I make the decision to send that email. Now, I can go to the store or out to eat and not worry about what will happen if we run into one another. Now, at least we can exchange hello's, catch up on life, and know that the other is right where he/she belongs and that things really do work out for the best.

"Thank You for Shopping at Kroger...You Saved $16.57"

2009-02-16T21:46:00.004-05:00

These are words to my ears since we have begun our 'Financial Peace University' with Dave Ramsey. If you know me well, you know that I love shopping. Not just clothes or shoe shopping, but even grocery shopping. I love walking around a store, taking in all the colors, feeling all the textures, looking at different brands, comparing prices and finding the perfect 'something'. I have read every book in the 'Shopaholic' series and think I could be Becky Bloomberg. There is something about the hunt, the chase, and then finding the perfect top, or distinctive purse or a beautiful dress ~ it is literally a high for me and for a long time I couldn't get enough. And my bank account shows it.

Enter Dave Ramsey. We started this class because it was highly recommended to us by my father-in-law after he took a look at our finances one day. I have learned through this class (and my hubby), that debt is bad, cash is good and the perfect pair of shoes are actually not a need, but a want and something that can wait until we have the money to pay for them. So, I have bought into the plan and we have started an emergency fund, started paying down our bills and have begun saving for major purchases using an envelope system. Things are getting on track...

The funny thing is, as I have bought into the program, I feel that same adrenaline filled high, only instead of for clothes it is over coupons! I used to scour the Sunday paper for the department and furniture store sales, but now I'm the coupon queen, clipping them, making a list of what coupons I have and when they expire. I even have a granny-esque coupon envelope in my purse that I try to discretly hide, in case anyone where to get the idea that I might enjoy this different kind of hunt. Now, instead of online shopping, I'm online coupon hunting..which brings me to the best thing I've discovered in a long while ~ automatic coupon uploads!

Now, you can upload coupons automatically onto your Kroger card, so when you check out, it will automatically deduct the savings for you ~ in addition to the regular Kroger card carrying discounts! It's awesome! All you do is go to http://www.kroger.com/ and enter your card number. Then you can upload the coupons to your card. Once you check out, the discounts are taken automatically! There aren't many coupons on there, but in this economy, every little bit helps!

So, we are on our way to becoming debt free. I have become obsessed with coupons and tracking our spending. We only eat out once a week and we are being intentional with our money. This week, we paid off our first bill and it felt good! As Dave says, "You have to live like no one else, so eventually you can live like no one else!" Here's hoping!

That's Why They Call It Falling...

2009-02-12T08:19:00.004-05:00

With Valentine's Day right around the corner, I've been thinking a great deal about love, relationships and everything in between. My hubby and I have been married for almost four years and now we have a little boy who has redefined by definition of love and expanded the capabilities in which I love infinitely. Our relationship has changed significantly this year since he has come into our lives. We are so much closer and our love for each other is deeper and more complete as we share in the joy of this little one. While I wouldn't trade this new kind of love for anything, with V-Day coming up, it has made me miss that feeling of falling ~ you know the kind of feeling when you first meet someone that you share that chemistry with and everything is new? The butterflies you get when you see them, the electricity you have when they touch your skin, the smile you get when you see their name on caller ID. When you go to the movies and raise the armrest so you can snuggle and sit next to each other at the restaurant because you can't stand to be that far apart. When every song on the radio describes you perfectly and you think all week about what you're going to wear on your date that weekend. I have always loved the feeling of falling in love and the first parts of love always have a special place in my heart.

This year, I've learned a new kind of falling in love that has been so different and so much deeper than all of that. I have fallen in love with a little boy who has stolen my heart and brought me so much happiness that sometimes I feel like my heart will burst. I have laughed when he laughs and cried when he has cried and have experienced the highest and the lowest part of caring for another. Since having Rhett, I have learned that love isn't stagnant, but it is ever changing. So, this year ~ love has a completely new meaning to me. Love is not just butterflies and kisses, nights out and quality time. This year, love has meant months of sleepless nights, awaking to the cries of my little one. I think I have spent hours in that rocking chair, getting him back to sleep only to do it all over again in a few hours. Love has also meant spending four months of my life being the sole nourishment for his tiny newborn body. Breastfeeding is the ultimate test of giving up yourself for the wellbeing of another. Love has also meant changing some of the worst diapers imaginable, being covered in vomit, five minute showers, and waking up at 5 am, even on the weekends. Having this child has made me realize that love isn't just a feeling, but it is the act of giving yourself completely to another ~ physically, emotionally and literally.

With the addition of Rhett in our lives, the love that Branden and I share is completely different too. We may not go out on Friday nights to dinner and a movie anymore, but we have spent many nights hanging out on the floor, laughing and playing with Rhett and then collapsed in exhaustion together once he has gone to bed. We have taken turns eating dinner, taking showers and watching t.v. because one of us has to always be with rhett. We have negotiated and compromised on things that are important to each of us as we raise him together. More than anything, we have each learned to go out of our way to show our care and concern for the other and the little things have become so important.

This Valentine's Day, I may not get flowers, candy and a great night out. But, I guarantee when I get up Saturday morning, the baby will have been fed, the house cleaned, the dishes washed, laundry done and fresh coffee will be brewing. I couldn't ask for more!

Moonbeams and Daydreams...

2009-02-10T12:57:00.004-05:00

I titled my new blog this because I thought it was cute and it reflected my whimsical nature and also one of my favorite books for my son. When I did a google search on this, it brought up a song written by Sting and The Police. I thought that was cool...until I started reading:

Once upon a daydream
I fell in love with you
Once upon a moonbeam
I gave that love to you
Once upon a lifetime
I know it must be true
When the months had turned us
I’d have to marry you

Once upon a daydream
Doesn’t happen anymore
Once upon a moonbeam
This is no place for tenderness
Once her daddy found out
He threw her to the floor
He killed her unborn baby
And kicked me from the door

Once upon a nightmare
I bought myself a gun
I blew her daddy’s brains out
Now hell has just begun
Once upon a daydream
Doesn’t happen anymore
Once upon a moonbeam
This is no place for sentiment

Once upon a lifetime
A lifetime filled with tears
The boy would pay for his crime
With all his natural years
Once upon a daydream
He’d make you his someday
Once upon a moonbeam
He’d dream his life away

Once upon a daydream
Doesn’t happen anymore
Once upon a moonbeam
This is no place for miracles
Once upon a daydream
Once upon a daydream
Once upon a daydream
Once upon a day... dream

Unwed pregnancy, domestic abuse, and murder wasn't exactly what I was thinking. I haven't heard this song, but the lyrics made me think twice about the title of this blog! So much for whimsy, creativeness and innocence, huh?!? :)

Just Getting Started...

2009-02-09T15:34:00.000-05:00

I've decided to start blogging ~ as a creative outlet for my writing and for my random thoughts and findings throughout my days! Thanks for being patient as I try to figure this thing out!

xoxoxo,
Emilee